Six videogame plot twists you totally saw coming

Got a fully functional brain... or, at least, a partly functional one? Then you called this one from a mile away

Sometimes, a game%26rsquo;s plotline can surprise you. Awhile back, we posted a story called the top 7 games with mega plot twists you never saw coming that showcased seven brilliant %26ldquo;gotcha!%26rdquo; moments in gaming history. This is not that story. No, this story is a celebration of the unsubtle and clumsy, a compilation of those games whose plot twists were so thinly veiled, so heavy-handedly, elbow-in-the-ribs foreshadowed, that everyone and their grandmother figured it out ten minutes in. The only people fooled by these swerves were people who called it, but second guessed themselves, thinking, %26ldquo;Nah, it can%26rsquo;t be that stupid and obvious, can it?%26rdquo;

Yes it can, friends. Yes. It can.

One last thing before we dive in (just in case it isn%26rsquo;t obvious)%26hellip;

Above: Nathan %26ldquo;Suction-cup-fingers%26rdquo; Drake

The Situation: Uncharted 2: Among Thieves is the second grand adventure of everybody%26rsquo;s favorite smart-mouthed, mercenary-murdering rapscallion %26ndash; Nathan Drake. The story begins when Drake is approached by Harry Flynn %26ndash; a long time buddy and past partner in crime, apparently %26ndash; and a hot Australian chick named Chloe Frazer. The two present Nate with an offer he can%26rsquo;t refuse: The chance to steal a Mongolian oil lamp that just may lead them to the sunken fleet of Marco Polo. Oh, and there%26rsquo;s lots of treasure on said fleet%26hellip;

The Twist: Harry Flynn is a backstabbing douche bag who double-crosses Drake once he has the treasure map.

Why You Saw it Coming: Ah, betrayal plot twist, our old friend. We meet again. Take a look at any major game release (i.e. Modern Warfare 2, Dead Space, The Saboteur, etc.) and it%26rsquo;s as if game developers have to meet some sort of industry-enforced betrayal quota. The whole instance in Uncharted 2 wouldn%26rsquo;t have been so bad if there had at least been some better foreshadowing. A single red herring would have been nice. But there weren%26rsquo;t any.

Which makes it all the more unbelievable when Drake puts on a shocked, doe-eyed expression when the bastard Flynn grabs the map and books it. You%26rsquo;re both career criminals and you didn%26rsquo;t see this coming, Drake? The guy looks like a cross between some sort of English version of Christian Slater and Satan, and has a smile that could make a Mafia hit man nervous. The only real shock is that he had the courtesy to wait a full 45 minutes before shoving the knife in your back.

Above: More, please

The Situation: Imagine female sexuality that%26rsquo;s so intense it can bend the space-time continuum, and then punch yourself in the groin two or three times. That is Bayonetta%26rsquo;s plot. Bayonetta is an amnesiac witch who uses her magical hair powers to dispatch angels. We%26rsquo;d love to give you more contexts for this; however, we lack the high-powered pneumatic drill necessary to pierce the convoluted mess that is Bayonetta%26rsquo;s storyline. During her travels, she rescues a small girl named Cereza from an angel attack. The girl calls Bayonetta %26ldquo;mummy%26rdquo; and shows a natural aptitude for magic%26hellip;

The Twist: Cereza is actually Bayonetta as a child.

Why You Saw it Coming: Umm%26hellip;well, let%26rsquo;s see. The game pulls this little girl out of nowhere, angels are almost irresistibly drawn to her, she rocks a pair of stylish frames, and sports a hair length that borders on the inexplicable. Oh, and we actually see her develop a love of lollipops, which are practically a fashion accessory to the grown-up Bayonetta.

Sure, the game tries to throw you off by having the kid call Bayonetta %26ldquo;mummy,%26rdquo; but you already know the sultry witch has been trapped in a coffin for the better part of five centuries. That doesn%26rsquo;t offer many opportunities to make babies. You may generally not understand what the hell is going on or why the hell it%26rsquo;s going on, but you%26rsquo;ll see this one coming from a mile away. Even Bayonetta didn%26rsquo;t so much as bat an eye when she figured out who the kid was. Whatever %26ndash; it%26rsquo;s magic.

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