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Shit characters who almost ruined their great games

Sometimes really great and really shit things go together like an unhappy married couple who've stuck it out for 40 years. Lollipops and tooth-terrorising drills at the dentist, six pints of lager and a ruinous hangover and, occasionally, rubbish characters and great games. And it's testament to the following titles' awesomeness that they somehow stayed afloat in spite of their hateful captains.


Raiden

The great game he almost ruined: Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty

C’mon, like we were going to start anywhere else. The man who forever sullied Metal Gear with his pasty bare ass and half hour talks with his missus has a lot to answer for. We can see what Kojima was trying to do. Clearly, our hateful mop-headed mook was supposed to be the Luke Skywalker to Snake’s Han Solo. Trouble is, Luke never took time out from saving the galaxy to talk to his sweetheart about their anniversary (probably because the only chick in the whole universe was his sister). Thankfully, you can at least subject the hateful hero to a face full of baddie piss half way through the game.


Daxter

The great game he almost ruined: Daxter

Ah, the completely unlovable ottsel. Where would any good hate feature be without this furry faced ball of bile on legs? Not only is he a horribly misjudged source of ‘comedy’, he never shuts up. He’ll make stupid quips when he’s outrunning a massive boulder or find time to make an obnoxious one-liner while battling a giant bug. Even the entire game is just one big insecure tall tale he tells his friends down the pub to look like the big ‘weird, mutated breed of two rodents’. The really amazing thing, though? Despite the fact he’s such a consistently cringe-worthy character, his game’s still good. Like really good. Honestly, we’ll never know how developers Ready at Dawn pulled it off.


Above: Too much to ask?


Nero

The great game he almost ruined: Devil May Cry 4

He’s just like Dante… only rubbish. Admittedly, he’s arguably the more interesting character when it comes to laying a serious smackdown on some demon ass. Give him more than two lines of dialogue in any one scene, though, and he automatically transforms into a dick of the highest emo order. Equal parts insecure whininess and incredible cockiness; he’s every bit the shitty schizophrenic. If Capcom had just replaced him with, say, some sort of witty robot butler (who also had a giant hand that could crush the forces of evil), we wouldn’t need that Nero dartboard at work… and that guy in accounts might still have the use of his right eye.


Johnny Klebitz and co.

The great game they almost ruined: GTA IV: The Lost and Damned

Shitting hell, they’re a miserable bunch, ain’t they? We know it’s intentional, but did every single one of them have to be so relentlessly grim-faced. If it’s not horribly moody bikers with faces longer than a clinically depressed basset hound, then it’s totally unsympathetic junkies hogging way too much screen time. Alright, so GTA IV was full of moody, murdering sociopaths, too. But at least they were moody, murdering sociopaths that knew how to have a bit of a laugh. In Niko’s adventure we had Brucie, Roman and Packie to provide a bit of humour between all the drive-bys. In Johnny's game the most light-hearted and memorable character is an ageing politician’s flaccid love sausage.

55 comments

  • KrazyGamer - July 30, 2010 5:24 a.m.

    Tidus is gay.
  • ryno - June 6, 2010 7:01 p.m.

    am i the only one who hates the claptraps
  • snothammer - March 31, 2010 3:22 a.m.

    I honestly thought Raiden was a great character. The story just couldn't exist and be as epic without him, and all his 'hatable' personality traits. It is because of Raiden that Arsenal Gear becomes such a powerful force to the player: it literally tricks the player the whole time. Sure, Snake was tricked by Liquid in MGS1, but if he had been put through the Arsenal Gear-Colonel switch, he would have looked weak and naive. Raiden is essential because he is weak and naive. And it allows for his change between MGS2 and 4 to be so friggin' awesome. Although, I do admit that Raiden didn't have to sound like such a pussy when he says "Freeze." I'll concede on that one.
  • blitzpoisonpunk - March 29, 2010 3:41 p.m.

    Thats such a lie final fantasy X wasnt ruined by Tidus, it was ruined by everyone who wasn't Kimahri and Rikku...............I miss Sakaguchi.................
  • andthenightwillcome - March 28, 2010 2:45 p.m.

    Funny that Raiden is going to be the star of the next MGS...oh, the irony!
  • keaton121 - March 28, 2010 6:28 a.m.

    at least Raiden made up for it in MGS4! Never forget! also Tidus, whadda fag! never really liked that game.
  • romensuarez - March 28, 2010 5:21 a.m.

    i thought bill murry was funny in Ghostbusters...then again it could have just been the fan boy nostalgia. i think Sora and Roxas need to be on this list too.
  • SilentGiant - March 27, 2010 11:51 p.m.

    I always liked Daxter and I thought he really made the games more fun. I have absolutely no idea who the others are because I never played FF or MGS. Good article, I guess.
  • groovy3000 - March 27, 2010 4:47 p.m.

    i hated raiden so much. I thought mei ling was annoying in MGS1 with her ancient chinese proverbs but in 2 every time i saved, raiden would have a ten minute chat about their relationship
  • DeathbyFira - March 27, 2010 2:17 p.m.

    I agree with @tyger all those characters had more meaning to them cuz of one very weird scene in msg2 people have to start bitching about radien i actualy like him and Nero was a bit of a whiney emo but the guy HAD A FREAKING possed arm which kick alot more ass then dante himself and Tidus was a bit of a baby in the beginning but he grows from the experince and turns into a awesome hero and come on yuna is freaking hot but yea they cried and had emotions and where much bigger saps in a way from are favorite heros but to me but i didnt mind those guys the prince and daxter and Jhonnny did ruin in for me tho
  • EnragedTortoise1 - March 27, 2010 1:27 a.m.

    Tit-us was annoying, but he sorta became more mature near the end... right? oh, and search "final fantasy 10 in 5 seconds" on Youtube, it's really funny.
  • AVenGer777 - March 27, 2010 1:05 a.m.

    Rico was a douche but,he's badass
  • Coolbeans69 - March 27, 2010 12:43 a.m.

    i thought daxter was hilarious in the ps2, though it has been awhile
  • philipshaw - March 26, 2010 1:25 p.m.

    Have to agree with Raiden being on this list, he only got cool in MGS4
  • Vagrant - March 26, 2010 10:51 a.m.

    Whaat? Johnny Klebitz is awesome. He's hilarious and wise in a corny gruff biker way. Kicks some arse too.
  • hazelam - March 26, 2010 8:17 a.m.

    what about squall from ffxiii? he would have killed the game if that time jumping, redo all your equipment and magic every time thing hadn't killed it.
  • Samael - March 26, 2010 3:47 a.m.

    Just adding to the pile of people who were ok with (if not loved) Raiden. He was pefectly fine in MGS2 and then became even better in MGS4. His story in 4 was more interesting than Snake's at certain points and I can't wait for Rising.
  • FinderKeeper - March 26, 2010 3:03 a.m.

    Viva Hate! I feed of it, I grow stronger every day... feel the power of the Dark Side... ...only a week? Damn.
  • VideoGameKing - March 26, 2010 2 a.m.

    ok,1 3 of these make no sence at all,2 you dis neo and tidus,you dis me,and 3 dising me,is insulting the gameing communaty
  • GameManiac - March 26, 2010 1:15 a.m.

    Who's responsible for killing that kickass prince of persia and replacing him with that dumbass-looking emo?

Showing 1-20 of 55 comments

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