Revealed: the games your girlfriend HATES

Contrary to popular belief, most gamers are not sniveling, sweaty-palmed Towers of Awkward roaming the streets in search of any woman who will have them. In fact, most of us find a girl who puts up with our habits, and forgives the many hours spent saving the world from glowy-eyed zombie Nazis.

But guess what – there’s at least one game that’s driving your girlfriend batshit insane. She might not reveal it right away, but eventually she’s gonna pop and let it all out at once (probably right in the middle of a really cool cutscene), forcing you to make some serious decisions about your future as a couple. Lucky for you we’ve gone to the trouble of asking our own girlfriends precisely which games are the most likely to cause these arguments, so pay close attention to the valuable lessons we’ve learned from their suffering.

Square’s groundbreaking RPG was met with universal acclaim in 1995, and since then has become one of the most beloved games of all time. Charlie, our Xbox editor, recently blew through the DS version and felt the need to explain to his girlfriend, in detail, just how emotionally moving a story about time traveling frogs and homesick robots really is.

Why she hates it: “You lost me at ‘talking frog.’ Then you lost me again at ‘robot love story.’”

Now, his girlfriend is a gamer, but tends to favor realism over whimsical fantasy. Rainbow Six, BioShock and Gears of War catch her eye, but wizards, airships and spiky anime hair are quickly dismissed. They’re not necessarily hated, but when Charlie insists Trigger’s plot is up there with Shakespeare, the direction on par with Orson Welles and the characters so sacred he’s willing to pin them on his desk…

 …well, she’s bound to start grinding some teeth in silent protest.

Lesson learned: No matter how interesting an RPG story may seem, it isn’t.

For Dan’s tale of wife-scorning woe, we retrieved this actual exchange between the two concerning this World of Warcraft meets Gran Turismo MMO:

Dan’s story: “I played every day for five hours straight, basically not talking to or interacting with Kat at the time. She has not gotten upset about games most of her life, but I think that one rankled her because it was such a time sink.”

Kat’s reality: “Hearing about the minute details of guitar is bad enough. I mean Dan really owns the guitars, but hearing about how he plans to fix up fictional cars in excruciating detail was truly awful.

“And who takes our one poor, non-souped car for repair maintenance? Me. I don’t think Dan even knows how to unlatch the hood of the real car.”

This situation sounds extremely similar to people who play loads of Guitar Hero or Rock Band, then talk about five-starring songs as if it is somehow on par with playing a real instrument.

Lesson learned: Do not brag about fictional accomplishments when you could be learning the same skill in real life. Y’know, where it matters.

The original Resident Evil took ideas that began on PC, added a virus or two and voila, a budding genre had its foot in the door. Problem is, this new style of gameplay, with limited saves, low ammo and an invincible enemy, baffled more than a few lifelong gamers. This triangle of terror put Eric’s wife through every measurable step of hate, beginning with distaste and ultimately evolving into outright loathing.

Her story: “When Eric first started playing Resident Evil, I didn’t like the game because of the blood, the creepy zombie images and the moaning that came from the zombies… and also from Eric when the zombies got him”.

Above: The game never mentions that Tyrant can't be killed by normal weapons

“Things went from unsettling to annoying when every time I needed something, all I heard was “as soon as I find a save spot.” I’m still doubtful that there were really so few save spots. I’d ask for help sorting the laundry and by the time he found a save spot I had sorted the laundry, washed it, walked a ½ mile to the 7-11 to get more quarters, walked back, dried, folded and put away the laundry. If he said he’d come to bed as soon as he found a save spot, I learned that meant I was sleeping alone – if the noises didn’t keep me up.

"Luckily, he was never playing the game at the exact moment a four-alarm fire broke out in our apartment.”

Above: Priorities!

“My attitude finally evolved to hate when he began teasing me by announcing that he was at the end of the game and only had to fight the final boss. You shouldn’t use words like “end” and “final” if it’s going to take just as much time to play the last scene as you’ve spent playing the whole rest of the game combined. I got so tired of seeing that same scene over and over. The big bad guy, the rooftop, just get into the helicopter already – please!” 

Eric’s story: “Man, that final battle really confused me. I kept trying to stand toe-to-toe and outgun the Tyrant. I even tried to knife it to death when I ran out of ammo – a suicidal plan, but I stuck to it, stupidly thinking maybe the Tyrant was just really, really hard. It was several hours before I survived long enough for the rocket launcher to drop.”

Lesson learned: Girls sleep badly when horror game music and sounds are coming through the wall, Eric is incredibly dense and having too few save spots is not only bad for you marriage, it may also be hazardous to your health.

One of 2007’s best games also happens to be one that nearly every girlfriend in the GR office has some measure of disdain for. They all cite the same issues: incessant, intensely loud gunfire, cries of pain and anguish from every angle and explosions deep enough to rattle pictures off the wall. These are all traits that clash with absolutely everything relating to Pokémon, and Brett’s lady, Production Editor Carolyn Gudmundson, lost more than a few pocket monsters due to the incomprehensible cacophony that is CoD 4.

Carolyn’s story: “Aside from nearly going bonkers after hearing 'Big Bird, we are heavily outnumbered! Where aaare yooouuu??' for the 50th time while Brett was trying to get through the campaign on Veteran, the worst thing by far about COD4 is all the horribly jarring gunfire noises. The constant, obnoxiously grating combat sounds were not conducive to my serious Pokemon training at the time, and were almost enough to make my Torterra retreat into his shell. Soap, you're scaring all the Shiny Pokemon away!”

Lesson learned: Maybe consider turning the TV down once in a while.

Next page – Left 4 Dead, PlanetSide and… what’s this, a boyfriend who hates a game?


  • Snaketoe - February 17, 2010 10:49 p.m.

    I once had a girlfriend who managed a Gamestop store. We got into the biggest fight over Jet Grind Radio. I Loved the game, but she had to listen to the music all day as it played out of a kiosk in her store. One night I was playing it when she walked in the door from work and she totally lost it. I ended up giving it to a friend of mine in trade for some computer game. A year or two later we broke up anyhow, and I found the game in a bargin bin. I loved that game.
  • Spritle101 - November 23, 2009 4:23 a.m.

    Ooh, I love 2D Fantasy RPGs...must get Crusader of Centy *_*
  • Spritle101 - November 23, 2009 4:15 a.m.

    I love Chrono Trigger ^_^
  • DANBO - March 30, 2009 11:38 p.m.

    I played COD4 online everyday all day and it's not like I can pause it so when my girlfriend would call I just wouldn't pick up and after a while she caught on. Needless to say, she didn't like it.
  • Boki - March 30, 2009 9:18 p.m.

    I thought some GTA game was gonna be on here cus the graphic nature of it (my gf always kills me for playing it)
  • Labbear - March 27, 2009 7:38 a.m.

    lol i just tuned navi out
  • reyalejandro13 - March 25, 2009 11:59 p.m.

    man, this article has taught me one thing-if I get a girlfriend befor I get my 360 fixed, don't get it fixed afterwards. re-captcha: Russians selling. SELLING WHAT? TELL ME YOUR SECRETS!
  • GoldenMe - March 25, 2009 11:24 p.m.

    I figure one of these days, I’m going to go into the game room, and instead of Mikel sitting around in his underwear there’s gonna be like a goat head and a lot of blood. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Best Ever!!!! And Tyler is an artistic mastermind. Great Article GR.........wait. Does that mean Lizzie is single?!?! I'm free Friday night!
  • killemall - March 25, 2009 7 p.m.

    i got one, I love tales of symphonia and just got tales of Vesparia. My ex and my roommate both hate it. My roommate tried to ban it from the xbox(me for the win there) and the reason he hates it? he hates the world map. He feels like in such an amazing time for graphics why does the world map mimic final fantasy 7?
  • AlteredFormula - March 25, 2009 10:18 a.m.

    Although my missus plays the odd cutesy or puzzle game now and again, she doesnt seem to get the same experience out of some of the bigger stuff that I play. for instant to this day she still mimics Moira from fallout 3, often saying try not to die now when i mention playing the game. her other favourite way to annoy me when im "listening" and playing is to constantly ask me if I have any molerat meat.... bless her!
  • ssj4raditz - March 25, 2009 2:44 a.m.

    Wow Tyler needs to sell his art. I'd buy some!
  • Sly_Fox - March 25, 2009 1:11 a.m.

    lol@planetside man i miss that game captcha= his whitehorn
  • Demoneyes10 - March 24, 2009 11:45 p.m.

    Whole thing was full of laughs.
  • GamesRadarBrettElston - March 24, 2009 9:11 p.m.

    Forgot to mention this in the text, but: ALL ART BY TYLER WILDE!!!!!!
  • ELpork - March 24, 2009 9:01 p.m.

    BEST PHOTOS EVER!!!! Recapa 4.4million twixt
  • jamminontha1n2 - March 24, 2009 8:30 p.m.

    oh man, maybe someday I,too,can acquire a girlfriend like all the good people at gamesradar. Just kidding, great article and funny too. recaptcha: 92,000 lancehead
  • understudybass - March 24, 2009 8:28 p.m.

    the only game my stupid, twat of an ex-girlfriend liked was Lego Indian Jones (which, interestingly enough, she sucked at)...don't worry guys, she's long gone.
  • linkganon - April 3, 2009 11:34 p.m.

    you know how i know what games to get, get a girls opinion, if they hate it, i'll like it, if they like it, i'd probabally hate it. the perfect way of picking that perfect game. girls started to like mario kart, so now i hate it, girls go over to a friends house to play mario party while i return it for a refund because it sucked. your wives know which game you will like because the more they don't want it, the more you want it.
  • GamesRadarBrettElston - April 1, 2009 4:42 p.m.

    @Charlie: It's true, his GF did buy those Trigger crafts, but that factoid didn't gel with the Week of Hate. Now that it's over, we can all let out a collective "awwwwwwww"
  • paranoidemdroid - March 31, 2009 5:50 p.m.

    i wish i could say i hate star ocean: the last hope when my boyfriend plays it but really i've just started ending every sentence directed at him with "kay?". "you need to take the garbage out, kay?" "i want to play resident evil 5, kay?" "that battle music is completely burned into my brain, kay?"

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