PSM puts holes in your body-meat

The violence-guzzling action movie-stars at PSM dove out of their limousines today to fire their new magazine into your chest. This month they’re seducing you and taking you on their private jet for a getaway to Hong Kong, where you’ll be romantically asphyxiated by dreamboat director John Woo. Yeah girl, it’s the apocalyptically destructive Stranglehold.

And Mr. Woo thinks you’re pretty – you’ll be his little bloodbath artist, obliterating whichever watermelon you want, instigating whatever boat-on-boat gunplay you want, and winning as many Mexican standoffs as you want, honey. And cuz daddy likes it when you use both hands, he’s arming you with two shiny-silver handheld bullet-puking death machines.

But PSM are a peaceful people. Though they might gorge themselves on coldhearted bloodshed, they also consume oil and gasoline with the same intensity. They’ve climbed into their outlandishly expensive 10-mpg sports-cars to run you over with previews of Gran Turismo HD and a few more 2007 marquee titles, including Heavenly Sword, Metal Gear Solid 4, and Lair. And for the assassin types who are probably right behind us at this moment, waiting to implant a shuriken into our brain, chug a mug of Ninja Gaiden Sigma. Yep, ninja-fraternity action.

November 21, 2006

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