The most sadistic motion control schemes in gaming

Motion controls have opened the door to a world of gaming possibilities. It's given developers a brand-new canvas on which to craft bold innovations and immersive experiences. For the most part, game makers have used this power for good. There are a few, however, who have strayed from the path.

Whether intentional or not, there are motion control schemes that seem to exist solely to inflict discomfort and misery upon gamers. Some are worth the pain, while others are reserved for a masochistic breed of gamer. Flail along as we count down some of the worst offenders...

SEGA's supernatural FPS for the Kinect should have been revolutionary. It should have blazed trails. It should have been the controller-free horror adventure that finally let us transform into the virtual monster ass-kickers we've always dreamt of becoming. It should have been all these things, but instead it flopped onto the scene as a half-assed House of the Dead clone with a thirst for mediocrity.

Everything about Rise of Nightmares was a tedious, exhausting grind. Steering the hero “Josh” required a mix of awkward shoulder pivots and unresponsive foot gestures, while most of his attacks boiled down to slashing the air in vein attempts to murder waves of undercooked foes. On paper, Rise of Nightmare's control schemes sounded like a perfect fit for the Kinect. In practice, hit-or-miss controls and laggy reaction times left us with the chilling realization that we were our own worst enemy.

Tendinitis, ligament tears, and shoulder pulls aren't typical video game injuries, but for a brief period in spring 2012, Diabolical Pitch put a lot of players on ice. Drawn from the twisted mind of designer Suda51, the Kinect exclusive drafted gamers as a baseball pitcher who must survive a nightmarish carnival by chucking balls at its demonic inhabitants. Gameplay consisted of taking aim with one hand and hucking balls at foes with the other, with the occasional need to pull off a special move or catch thrown in for variety.

Sound like fun? Try tossing imaginary balls at a wall for more than an hour and let us know how long you last. Laced with repetitive encounters and detection issues, Diabolical Pitch started strong, but quickly wore out its welcome and our throwing arms well before the seventh inning stretch.

If AMA Studios set out to make Fighters Uncaged an accurate depiction of how we'd actually fare in a street brawl, then this was one of the most realistic fighting games in the history of the medium. Unfortunately, we're fairly sure this Kinect brawler didn't intend to portray its “hero” as a spastic punching bag, meaning something--or someone--got mangled along the way.

Fighters Uncaged's heart was in the right place. The game intended to give players the feeling of full-body control in a video game fighter, but wound up tripping over itself at every opportunity. In lieu of a digital Fight Club, players were treated to a barely functional gesture-based fighting game that often failed to recognize our most basic of moves, but excelled at pummeling us with endless waves of AI idiots. If there was some redeeming value to be had, it was reserved for players with the fortitude and endurance to stick it out for the final fight.

Not many games have the honor of being awarded a half-star review, but Blackwater wore that medal with pride. Positioned as a high-octane Kinect shooter, the game failed to deliver on all fronts. From its mind-numbingly dull design to its moronic AI and last-gen presentation, Blackwater assaulted gamers' good senses on every level. Even the game's main selling point--the opportunity to play the Kinect's first motion-controlled FPS--fell way short of expectations. Repetitive action made shooting with one's arms and hands an exhausting chore, and a noticeable lag between gestures and on-screen reactions sucked the fun out of every firefight. Worse yet, the tour wasn't much better with an actual controller.

In short: There's no reason to play Blackwater. Maybe as a dare. Maybe as penance for a horrible crime. But not as entertainment. The game did a disservice to the Kinect and dealt blow after blow to the dedicated soldiers who were patient (and/or bored) enough to enlist with it for longer than the first mission. To you, brave soldiers, we salute. But we also have to ask...was it worth it?

Imagine steering a Boeing 747 through the apocalypse while balancing a jug of boiling bacon grease on your chin, and you'll be closer to understanding how punishing it was to pilot Rohn's dragon in Lair with PlayStation 3's Sixaxis motion controls. What should have been a valiant demo of the Sixaxis's features during the PS3's launch was instead an early blow against motion-sensing gameplay. Without any other option, players were forced to contend with imprecise commands, a shoddy targeting system, and a dragon that was more interested in smashing into walls and flying in lazy circles than saving the world.

The game wasn't broken, but it wasn't for the weak of heart either. Only those with nerves of steel and the patience of a saint survived long enough to save the day. To Sony's credit, however, Lair has since been retrofitted with normal analog controls. Unfortunately, the scars left by critics were too much to save Factor 5's experimental dragon sim from being regarded as a cautionary tale for motion controls.

What would you sacrifice to star in your very own Kung Fu video game? Pride? Sanity? Enjoyment? This is the Faustian proposal at the heart of Kung Fu: High Impact, a Kinect title that lets players scan themselves into a 2D brawler, but charges a sadistic fee for the honor. That fee? Having to stretch your endurance and will to their max in order to flail your way through each of the comic-themed stages. Kung Fu: High Impact placed less emphasis on actual Kung Fu and more on jabbing and kicking wildly in front of your TV in the vein hopes your on-screen warrior gets the memo.

Negatives aside, Kung Fu: High Impact dangles just enough carrots to keep you sweating. It's actually fun being injected into a silly martial arts brawler, and there's something awesome about using household items to beat down the forces of evil. We may look silly doing it, and we might need a nap after playing it, but damned if this Kung Fu isn't a little Kung...fun?

Super Monkey Ball fans are used to contending with unforgiving gameplay, but it took true simian rollers to step up to this Wii Balance Board test of will. Similar to other Monkey Ball entries, Step & Roll challenged players with steering a monkey-in-a-ball through an obstacle course within a given time. In this version, however, players had the option of controlling said monkey spheres with the Wii's hyper sensitive balance board. The task demanded monk-like muscle control and the balance of a yoga master. And hey, if there's anything that defines gamers, it's their expert muscle control and yoga mastery.

To be fair, Super Monkey Ball: Step and Roll gave players the choice of teetering through the game on the Nintendo Wii board, or playing the game with a controller. It wasn't a bad game by any stretch, but choosing to hack it out with the former control scheme was a task reserved for true ballers.

There's only three reasons you should own Baby and Me for the Wii: 1) You're a four-year-old girl, 2) you are the guardian of a four-year-old girl, or 3) you curate a museum for creepy accessories. Using an actual doll as a Wii Controller accessory, Baby and Me let children simulate the experience of caring for a living human being by picking up their actions with the doll and translating them on screen...and that's not even the weird part. The game also shipped with a pink Wiimote holster that could be attached to living things such as pets, voodoo dolls, and unsuspecting victims for the same purpose. We shudder to think of the possibilities.

Baby and Me isn't physically challenging to play. It does, however, open the door for psychological damage. For better or worse, Baby and Me never made it to the states, but it can be ordered online. Our advice? Make sure they ship it in an unmarked paper bag.

Alright, we've had our fun. Truth be told, there are a few titles in this gallery that are worth a little suffering. And since it looks like motion-sensing gameplay is here to stay, we're sure there are plenty more back-breaking, muscle-cramping, and sanity-testing experiences to come. In the meantime, let us know which sadistic motion control schemes we overlooked, or which we were too hard on, in the comments below.

Aching for more? Gesture over to our list of the Top 7 games that physically hurt to play, go retro with our look at 5 failed attempts at motion controls and 3D gaming, or just have some Fun with Kinect screens!