Ladies and gentlemen, I am about to ruin your day. Not that this staggering, eight-minute stop-motion epic from Counter 656 Productions is in anyway bad, you understand. No, the problem is that it's so good that nothing else you see, hear or experience in any capacity for the next 24 hours will measure up. Basically, write off today after you've seen this and go to bed. If your boss/teachers/parole officer complains, just show them the video. They'll understand.*
Seriously. Seriously. Think about how long that took to make. Think about how badly the director's fingertips must be bleeding from all those hours of tweaking the poses of action figures. Think about the wretched, decaying state his poor mind must now be in. Think about the fact that he's managed to create better-choreographed action sequences with bloody toys than most mainstream films can manage with real actors, stunt-men, and a billion-dollars-a-minute CGI budget. Think about why the hell people even accept the bloated pap of Hollywood when this stuff exists on the internet for free. Think about how ludicrous that is. Think about how the tired, complacent old man of cinema's last days are upon him. Think about his death-rattle cough. Think about the look in his eyes as he sees his empire burn with the light of a million computer monitors.
Ahem. Anyway, that was rather good. I enjoyed it. I hope you did too. I'd wish you a good day, but as I said, I've just ruined it. So sorry about that.
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