If game characters were old

What happened to Snake? With those layered and textured wisps of oh-so-touchable hair, that Rambo-ninja headband, and a perfectly landscaped maze of lovable facial scruff, MGS 2 Snake was downright dreamy. Several years and one blond douchebag later and Snake is back with crow’s feet and the beginnings of a Geraldo Rivera 'stache. If anything is suited for sneaking, it’s the varicose veins crawling up the skin stuffs stretched over his legs.

Most game characters don’t bother with ugly things like continuity – they never get old and they eternally wear the same clothes. But what if, like Snake, they were suddenly ravaged by Father Time? A dash of Photoshop reveals the disturbing possibilities.

Lara Croft - Tomb Raider

Sans her athletic physique and sex appeal, all Lara raids these days are aisles of incontinence products. Those once impossibly perky breasts have become gravity’s playthings, swinging around her navel like Droopy’s ears and snagging on untrimmed shrubs (which she complained to the city council about 16 times).

But it isn't all bad for the retired archeologist - she occasionally spruces things up by surviving nuclear blasts in refrigerators.


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