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HaloRadar: 37 reasons to hate Halo 3!

First of all, we don't really hate Halo. We're just pretending. That said, we're not going to hop on the fanboy wagon and pretend that there aren't any parts of the game that we don't like. To be exact, there are 37 of them. Maybe you agree with them, and maybe you don't. Either way, you should give them a read, and maybe you'll discover that you hate Halo 3 just a little bit, too.

1. The story
After years of waiting and hours of gameplay, what have we learned? The Covenant is bad, Master Chief is awesome and Bungie needs to write better scripts. Here's our vastly improved version: Sarge says, “Those aliens are assholes! Go kill them, Chief,” and then nobody says anything else for the next six hours.


Above: Lookin' awesome, Chief

2. In online matches, you can't choose which maps to play
You can pick your gametype, armor color and species, but the maps are always random. This is simply unpatriotic.

3. The grenades
Grenades have been powered down to accommodate noobs and there are only two new kinds: a spiky version of the plasma grenades that don’t glow and the flesh-meltingly awesome incendiary grenades that you don’t ever get to use.

4. The beginning of the game
After years of anticipation, we find out that Master Chief survives his crash into earth thanks to his armor gelling or something. Except that the last game didn’t end with Master Chief falling to earth. Supposedly you can read a novel to fill in gaping void in the plot, but if we’d wanted to read, we wouldn’t have bought Halo 3, now would we?

5. The end of the game
… left us hanging worse than this explanation.

6. There’s no chainsaw
Maybe Bungie was too busy signing merchandising deals to notice that games can have these now?

7. The call letters floating above everyone’s heads
The idea was to make it easier to identify your teammates. The problem is that two-thirds of your team will use the remarkably clever “H20” callsign.

8. Shotty Snipers 
Look guys, Shotty Snipers is a gametype - that’s why it’s called Shotty Snipers and not… oh, let’s say “Team Slayer.” Yet, Shotty Snipers still comes up in match selection for Slayer games all the time. Why do those of us who are lawful, fair and healthy-lifestyle-oriented Slayer players have to endure all of the obtuse and silly Shotty Snipers players time and time again?

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19 comments

  • ItsDaKoolaidDude - August 4, 2014 11:33 p.m.

    First: Fuck you dude for making me make an account ([{JUST}]) to slap you in the face for saying "hate this game for these stupid reasons", goddamn twat. Second: Reasons #2, 6, 9, 12, and 30 are completely stupid to even try to make anyone hate a game just for those pathetic things to rant on! They're small details that are arguably unavoidable in just about every damn game, deal with it. Third: #24: In case you didn't really play the game, the damn place was about to wipe every living thing out of existence, OF COURSE YOU WOULD ALLY WITH YOUR WORST ENEMY IF IT MEANT YOU COULD STOP THAT FROM HAPPENING!! Not everyone loves playing that "oh so sad but makes you manically and evilly laugh" bad ending to every game, fuckwit.
  • Cwf2008 - December 2, 2009 6:58 a.m.

    Lol flamewars ftw! I like the Hornet one: I think its armed with a machine gun. But who ever notices it?
  • Telekinesis - September 16, 2008 12:04 a.m.

    Uh how about there is no way to reasonably set up a co-op campaign? You cant just search for people who want to play co-op like other modes, you have to clumsily find people who wan to play on internet forums then become friends then if your lucky enough gater 4 people together to play. Complete screw up. Why not just make a lobby like all games have been doing for the past 15+ years....hello McFly, hello.
  • themooninites - September 21, 2009 8:35 p.m.

    @ 108796a you have a right to complain about the game if youre paying 70 and up for it. halo 3 was majorly flawed...such as the fact that the campain was boring as hell and the missions seemed alot like the last two games missions except less fun. bungie must of been like, "how can we make master chief look like a big pussy....IVE GOT IT! make him fall in love with an annoying computer program! thats what the fans want, right?"
  • neon6 - September 21, 2009 12:24 a.m.

    @D4rk2triker: He said the WEBSITE GLITCHED glitched on him saying his post wasn't entered in, he typed it in again and OH THERE'S MY POST AGAIN. Please read the comment carefully before posting less you look like a asshole. BTW, we don't have to deal with it. If it sucks, it sucks. No reason we have to go with it because of someone else.
  • D4rk2triker - September 19, 2009 12:47 a.m.

    @Scorchstx: Your keyboard should have an edit button called the BACKSPACE key, or another one that removes characters in front of the little bar called DELETE. About the article though: Some stuff I agree with but its all part of it, DEAL WITH IT.
  • 108796a - June 29, 2009 3:49 a.m.

    god wats wrong with you bitches the only problem i see in the game is that people have TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT!!! like u guys could make a better game...
  • Assassin4than - April 28, 2009 4:17 a.m.

    jackf-11 Oh no he didnt just play a battle in xbox live. then message the [people in the last battle and ask if they wanna campaign. or if you didnt know. th campaign is 1 player too :). only like 9 of the 37 reasons are true. but those still have explanations like 33. i dont like that either but if we were in our chosen colour it would be very hard to quickly recognise your team and you could be hanging around the enemy.
  • nadrewod999 - March 17, 2009 8:31 p.m.

    Hey, is anyone else able to access the Mythic Map pack with their Halo Wars codes? I can't even use the cards, and the guy at Gamestop says that the maps AREN'T EVEN FINISHED YET! Also, I completely beat Halo a while back (except possibly for Cortana on Legendary *shudder*), and for the most part I just play online, do a Burnout on a City street at least once a week (without ever getting arrested for speeding), and wait for new fun games to come out. P.S. Did you catch a game name in what I said? You'll get free epic win sauce if you do. Everyone else will get a consolation prize of epic lose sauce, which is still epic and is still a sauce, but isn't the same.
  • CapnCrotchPunch - September 21, 2009 10:03 p.m.

    @EVERYONE ITS A JOKE! And don't bitch about the website, its fine
  • Liamrules42 - April 10, 2009 9:26 p.m.

    oh, and at the risk of sounding like a fan boy, all these don't matter, it's still a brilliant game, plus the halo series spawned red vs. blue, completly letting it get away with everything (except the flood, they suck)
  • Liamrules42 - April 10, 2009 9:23 p.m.

    Wow, did someone take a dump in scorchstx's bed, cause he seems slightly cranky
  • Scorchstx - March 22, 2009 6:24 a.m.

    Now I have a third complaint, you're little website glitched up here and said my second complaint didn't get posted, well here it is twice do to it actually getting posted.
  • Scorchstx - March 22, 2009 6:20 a.m.

    I have another complaint/suggestion as well assholes, put a fucking edit button down so I can fix my fucking typos.
  • Scorchstx - March 22, 2009 6:19 a.m.

    I have a complaint/suggestion for this website as well assholes, put a fucking edit down so I can fix my fucking typos.
  • Scorchstx - March 22, 2009 6:16 a.m.

    I have quiet a bit to say in response to this blog, first of all,jackf-11 is just being an ass and shunning a good suggestion from telekinesis. "Most people don't have this problem because they have friends?" Well, I have friends. Not many x box live friends, that's just want I need so I can be cool like you, friends from a community of trash talking wusses who discriminate anyone with an accent other than american. As for the complaints with the blog- How is the grenades being powered down a bad thing? hell they should remove the things, grenades take the skill right out of fps when there loitered about everywhere and spawning with people like in halo, just because someone sucks with grenades doesnt make them a noob, the way they're used is poorly designed, I mean the friggin things don't even go where you aim half the time. 2.Is also a stupid complaints, more games should do like halo and stop letting people choose the maps they want to play when searching for non custom matches. I mean people always say halo is skill suposedly one of the most skill based games ever right? Well playing the same map over and over then owning on it hardly makes a player skilled, just un fair for the people who don't play the map all the time.
  • nadrewod999 - March 17, 2009 9:21 p.m.

    Also, when I played Halo, I used the pistol most of the time because I knew how to use it. It has a small crosshair so that you can aim like you are zoomed in without losing the view of what is directly in front of you (like a big angry Hunter getting ready to swing his shield at you either like a baseball bat and send you all the way to Reach or like a sledgehammer and either send you straight to the other side of whatever planet you are currently on or get all your buddies guns jammed with your blood, guts, and armor).
  • nadrewod999 - March 17, 2009 9:10 p.m.

    No offense GamesRadar, but I both like the missiles and, when they aren't EXCLUDED (thank you, Avalanche), use BOTH triggers (AKA both the missiles and the machine guns).
  • jackf-11 - December 24, 2008 1:14 a.m.

    Well most people don't have that problem because they have friends. This comment brought to you by epic win sauce.

Showing 1-19 of 19 comments

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