Grand Theft Radar: 8 new crimes that'll be blamed on GTA IV

How will the media get it wrong this time? We've got a few educated guesses...


Above: If you're not going to hurt someone, the least you can do is make them uncomfortable

While previous GTA protagonists would usually just slide past people they ran into on the street, IV takes a more realistic approach, with the bystander getting shoved roughly aside or reacting angrily to Niko suddenly getting in his or her face. If Niko gets too close to someone while walking past slowly, however, he'll put his hands up and gently push past them, which sometimes leaves them confused and upset. And for good reason, too - if you did this to someone in real life and they somehow felt threatened, that's probable (if unlikely) cause for assault charges. Kids, remember what your parents taught you: never paw at strangers.


Above: We didn't have an image of an actual stabbing, either, but at least this guy's getting cut by something

OK, this isn't a "new" crime to be blamed on GTA, but stabbing someone ifGTA IV feels a lot different than it's felt in previous games. Knives were never the most efficient way to kill anyone, but now they're inefficient and gruesome. Much like in real life, people don't die instantly from a few stabs; instead, a knife fight means a prolonged series of nasty-sounding slashes and jabs until your opponent (or victim) bleeds out. It's weirdly like the sauna scene from the film Eastern Promises, only without Viggo Mortensen's dong in the frame.

Of course - in the minds of certain people - the more shocking and horrific something looks, the more it's being glorified. And with concealed knives apparently being a high-profile concern in Great Britain, we figure it's only a matter of time before the UK's alarmist tabloid press gloms its fat mouth around this one.

Apr 4, 2008

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

After graduating from college in 2000 with a BA in journalism, I worked for five years as a copy editor, page designer and videogame-review columnist at a couple of mid-sized newspapers you've never heard of. My column eventually got me a freelancing gig with GMR magazine, which folded a few months later. I was hired on full-time by GamesRadar in late 2005, and have since been paid actual money to write silly articles about lovable blobs.
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