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Gamer confessions anonymous - Mayan Apocalypse edition

Time to come clean

Words: on December 20, 2012
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79 comments

  • Rub3z - December 20, 2012 4:48 p.m.

    I have never played a Mass Effect game, and do not really plan on doing so. This is actually for a reason that I'm willing to divulge. It's because I'm afraid of their intensive power of immersion. I fear the addiction they could harbor in me, more so than other games with little in the way of story or narrative like racing games. I was kind of turned off entirely to the idea of a Mass Effect game ever since I heard a couple of my teammates talking about it. Specifically, about how best to have virtual sex with each female party member in the game. I did not ever want to involve myself with obsessing over or talking about such trite things. Also, I once got really, really, REALLY GODDAMN ANGRY at my best friend over a game of Left 4 Dead. He left me behind whilst we were making yet another attempt at beating Blood Harvest on Expert difficulty so I could finally claim my glorious, stupid achievement. While I was swarmed by zombies, he leapt to the safety of the back of the rescue vehicle, and the ending cinematic played. My friend even resorted to punching me, actually physically hitting me (we were playing splitscreen) in an attempt to suppress my anger, as he is much bigger and stronger than I am. It didn't work. I was going goddamn Hulk Mode on him. He just left the room. He was such a good friend. He apologized.

  • ParagonT - December 21, 2012 7:06 a.m.

    He's good guy, anyone else probably would have decked you out. Not judged.

  • n'wah - December 20, 2012 4:44 p.m.

    i have furiously masturbated on several occasions to mileena from mk9. that is all.

  • Ronnie-_- - December 22, 2012 10:45 a.m.

    LOL!

  • KnowYourPokemon - December 20, 2012 4:26 p.m.

    If a game had an easy difficulty setting, I would always pick that setting until I was 16. When Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire came out I took an all nighter to play it as much as I could, I fell asleep in math class the next morning. I like playing games that are so bad they're good. I'm also actually like Dynasty Warriors Gundam games.... if only for the gundams.

  • taokaka - December 20, 2012 3:45 p.m.

    Awesome article and so far awesome comments. My gaming confessions include -despite loving almost all fighting games I suck at all fighting games -it's sad but until professor layton and the miracle mask came out on 3ds the most played software on my 3ds charts was the eshop which just beat ocarina of time. -as hard as I try I don't understand the insane amount of love for valve or nintendo. -when tekken 5 came out I spent quite a bit of time "admiring" some of the characters in the customization screen -I have quite a few eroge visual novels on my laptop, although I've never played them but I plan to one day. -up until I played ratchet and clank a crack in time my default difficulty setting for all games was easy but I tried normal on R&C because it looked like a kid game and I haven't looked back since. -I can't finish bayonetta, I refuse to put the game down to mind numbingly easy mode because it just sucks out all the fun but normal is unfairly evil -I have bought and returned red faction: geurilla four times -I sometimes procrastinate playing games by coming on gaming sites to read about games instead - I've invested nearly 300 hours across all my saves in digimon world 2003, I've never beaten the game.

  • ParagonT - December 20, 2012 4:24 p.m.

    "I have quite a few eroge visual novels on my laptop, although I've never played them but I plan to one day." Judged. Just kidding lol.

  • talleyXIV - December 20, 2012 3:29 p.m.

    I played Modern Warfare 3 until three in the afternoon. It was like a 17 hour session, and then woke up 6 hours later and played it for like 13 more hours. It is my least favorite Call of Duty and I still tell people I hate it despite my terrible obsession to it at first.

  • obviouslyadouche - December 20, 2012 3:28 p.m.

    I kinda of, sort of, really really hate mario game's. I can see why they are objectively good bu they drive me insane.

  • obviouslyadouche - December 20, 2012 5:59 p.m.

    Also i suck so bad at fighting games i can't even figure out how to do a quarter circle rotation

  • talleyXIV - December 20, 2012 3:25 p.m.

    Playing Pikmin 2 as a 9 year old, my Wavebird (wireless Gamecube controller) died in the midst of a pretty decent sized battle with some Bulborbs. After realizing what had happened, I yelled, threw the controller down, and then cried like I had lost a 100 relatives, but they were Pikmin. I also cried at Pikmin 1 while I was very young, I didn't realize how memory cards worked so when mine filled up and naturally erased my Pikmin file, I cried like the game would never start again. I had my PSN account hacked away from me when I was 13 or so, someone promised me a challenge lobby on MW2 even though I was already 10th prestige... he gave me his account info of course fake, and I sent mine off. He immediately changed the account sign-in info and I was left crying like I had lost my soul. I got it back 3 weeks later so, no sweat.

  • Ronnie-_- - December 20, 2012 2:35 p.m.

    Hmmm, I guess this counts: nine times out of ten I will stay inside my house to play videogames instead of chilling with friends. I actually did this on december 8th.

  • Ronnie-_- - December 22, 2012 11:14 a.m.

    Okay, some more I just thought of: I have had impure thoughts about Elena, Choe, and Lara Croft... together. I have never completed/ do not like Final Fantasy, GTA, or Pokemon games... among many others. When I become really addicted to a game my eyes start to water and burn, because I have been playing so long, but I do not quit. It took me over an hour of failing to finally beat the corridor section of Dead Space 2. I finally beat it later that night. I have a bias toward third person games due to Goldeneye and myself not being able to see my character. I have never completed/liked any of Rockstars games.

  • winner2 - December 20, 2012 1:47 p.m.

    When I used to play guild wars 1, I played it for such long periods of time that it burned the HUD displays into the monitor of my dad's pc at the time.

  • Tjwoods18 - December 20, 2012 1:39 p.m.

    On the Pc game Impossible Creatures I looked up cheat codes to increase my avaliable coal, electric, and population size. When I entered the code a voice subtly said, "Somebodys Cheatin". Feeling so ashamed I turned off the game and never played it again. In the video game Jericho, I killed the demon babies with no remorse. I hated Will Arnett's performance in "Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard" so much that I tried to return the game. When they wouldn't take it back (since it was already opened) I threw it in the wishing pond at the mall. I never took Professor Oak's work seriously until we actually lost him to the likes of Elm, Birch, Rowan, and the irratating Juniper. I hit the reporter in the Mass effect series at every opportunity. I have had impure thoughts about Moxie in Boarderlands 2

  • BladedFalcon - December 20, 2012 1:37 p.m.

    Despite loving it, I actually was never able to beat starcraft's campaign fair and square, had to resort to cheats to be able to beat it >>; -Save FF, FFVI and FFXII. I haven't actually beaten any other core FF games. I got bored in the middle of playing FFII,FFVI and FFXIII. I couldn't get past Jecht in FFX, and while I got to the final dungeon in FFIV, I forgot to save for a while, got killed, and having to restart a large chunk made me ragequit and haven't touched the game since.

  • pl4y4h - December 21, 2012 2:25 p.m.

    I was in the same boat with Jecht up until last year (5 year hiatus). Got lucky with some monster captures and got me the ingredients for the trio of 9999 mix

  • JMarsella09 - December 20, 2012 1:23 p.m.

    When I was young, I couldn't beat the Elite Four in Pokemon Blue. I was too lazy to trade. So instead, I stole six level 70 pokemon from my brother and never told him about it. But I still sucked and couldn't beat it. So I went into my room and cried.

  • MetroidPrimeRib - December 20, 2012 12:56 p.m.

    -I can't beat Shao Kahn in MK9 -I can't beat Mem Aleph in Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey -I can't beat Bad Girl on Bitter in No More Heroes -I bought Final Fantasy XIII for a full $60 and never beat it because it sucks -I bought Skyward Sword for $70 and never beat it because it sucks -I can't beat Siren because it scares me too much -Haunting Ground is awesome I want a sequel but Capcom won't deliver -Breakdown is the best Xbox game -I have no idea how MGS4, GTA IV, Dishonored and Far Cry 3 got so much critical acclaim -I died on Pinwheel once -Every year that Ubisoft doesn't formally announce Beyond Good and Evil 2 I die a little inside

  • Ronnie-_- - December 20, 2012 2:26 p.m.

    You died against Pinwheel?! Wow.

Showing 41-60 of 79 comments

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