E3 2011 Award: Most Likely to Consume Our Lives

Perhaps it seems a bit silly to be complaining about how a game will soon devour everyone’s free time, especially in this age where games are mostly getting shorter and we’re always crying about how we’re not getting our $60 worth, but dammit, we’re still terrified of certain impending releases because we’re gamers, and by god if we had the willpower to stop ourselves from playing games we wouldn’t be in this whole mess in the first place, would we? We swear we actually get heart palpitations and break out in a clammy sweat when we think about this handful of upcoming games, because any one of these could mean that we’ll miss out on every other good game for a while as we pound away at our obsession. These games aren’t necessarily long in the traditional sense, like old-fashioned RPGs that took a minimum of fifty hours, but rather these titles will likely have endless sidequests and general dicking-around options that we’ll choose to take a hundred hours before we begrudgingly schlep into the final quest.

The Nominees:

Dark Souls

Friggen’ Dark Souls is going to be so bad for us because not only will it eat a good sixty hours of our time, but half that time will be spent dying and cursing. We’re going to be miserable for a good portion of those hours, and we’re going to love every minute of that misery. If that doesn’t make sense, then you need to play Demon’s Souls. Now.  Preview 

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

The Elder Scrolls games are always enormous timesinks (as anyone who’s played Oblivion or Morrowind can attest), filled with epic quests and optional tasks that can easily suck up hundreds of hours, and Skyrim promises to be the biggest one yet. Not only is it more ambitious than Oblivion, with sharper visuals, around 120 distinct dungeons and Bioshock 2-inspired, two-fisted weapon/spell-wielding, but its Radiant Story system will mix up pre-written quests with semi-randomized ones.  Preview


Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning  

We had no idea how huge this game would be until we learned some recent details, although do we really need to know more than that it has 120 unique dungeons (how did that end up as the same number as Skyrim)? Fine: there are hundreds of items which can be crafted into hundreds of other items, and the combat is more like God of War than Elder Scrolls, which means the combat alone will likely make us want to play this forever.  Preview 

Saints Row: The Third

We loved the shit out of Grand Theft Auto IV, but as a “sandbox game,” Saints Row: The Third makes it look as if Rockstar’s lost its way. Where are the needlessly violent Rampage missions, the skydiving gun fights, the civilian loss, and, for the love of god, the dildo-based weapons?! Well, thankfully, they’ve all taken up residence in Steelport, and this time around Volition Inc. decided a total lack of restraint is how to best present a wonderfully gratuitous open-world with an infinite amount of options for you and a co-op buddy. Care to fire a missile into a group of nuns from a supersonic jet you’re piloting in the nude? Saints Row: The Third has a place for you…  Preview 


And the winner is…

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

As promising as the other nominees look, we’re calling this one for Skyrim. Part of it is down to the game’s pedigree – like we said above, the previous Elder Scrolls games were legendary timesinks that ate up more weekends than we can count and took months to finish, and Fallout 3 – created by the same development team – was no less involving. However, Skyrim brings a host of additions that have us extremely intrigued, not the least of which are its dragons, which are huge, appear randomly and can grant you new powers once you’ve brought them crashing down to earth. There are smaller improvements as well, including villages with their own dynamic economies, a more customizable leveling system, an elaborate crafting system and a greater focus on story when exploring dungeons. It all adds up to a game that promises to dominate our lives this November, and we can’t wait to let it.

Above: Plus, furries  

Jun 23, 2011

Most graphics | Coolest character reinvention
Best response to fan feedback 
Best trailer | Most satisfying gore | Guiltiest pleasure
Most shameless rip-off 
Best new game we know nothing about
Worst first impression | Best game for masochists 
Most likely to consume our lives | Artsiest-fartsiest
Most tasteless 
Might not actually suck | Proof that 2D isn't dead | BEST OF SHOW 



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  • RupeeLord - June 24, 2011 1:36 a.m.

    Lol, furries? Now that you mentioned that, I think i'll pass on playing as a Khajit. Maybe this time i'll play as a female :P
  • Manguy17 - June 24, 2011 2:12 a.m.

    @RupeeLord Why would you be anything but Khajit? what other way can you declare yourself the dragon slaying kitten?
  • MercurialForce - June 24, 2011 2:15 a.m.

    Skyrim obviously was going to win this, but Saints Row 3 looks good to me as long as they change two main things: 1) Combat. Make it more exciting, please. 2) Graphics. Please, I would love a graphically awesome Saints Row game.
  • Lurkero - June 24, 2011 2:30 a.m.

    Amular looks so much more interesting than Skyrim. I would much rather spend/waste time with that.
  • Not Snake - June 24, 2011 3:57 a.m.

    Kingdoms of Amalur for me. I'll keep considering Skyrim if only so I could buy it at 11:11 on release day, but KoA is calling to me more.
  • shawksta - June 24, 2011 4:28 a.m.

    If skyrim is gonna deliver what it promised than that wait should be worth it! Still wondering why there isnt a section for Best new games shown at E3
  • NanoElite666 - June 24, 2011 5:11 a.m.

    Yep, definitely gonna be Skyrim. Oblivion ate up over 120 hours of my life while I was playing it, and Fallout 3 took over 150 on just one character. In a bit of an oddity, I've spent more time playing Jak X: Combat Racing than either of those two, having lost well over 200 hours to that game, most of it in offline play. Funny how I've spent more time playing a character-based racing game than I have some epic RPGs. Although it now occurs to me I've probably got far more time logged into Guild Wars...
  • philipshaw - June 24, 2011 12:02 p.m.

    Think I'm going to have to take a week off uni for skyrim
  • jackthemenace - June 24, 2011 2:36 p.m.

    Apart from Saints Row, all three of those are on my to-buy list
  • Mortis - June 24, 2011 2:59 p.m.

    so i have watched about 5 videos on here today...and i'm about to not visit your awesome sight until i have received confirmation that the operation- flashpoint:red river-another stupid-no neck-jarheaded-brofest-marine shooter-set in a dusty middle eastern place advertisements have been removed. i mean, seriously, i understand the need for adds, but i'm pretty sure that this lame add has been playing on your site longer than any other...or it could just be that i hate it.
  • wackdogg - June 24, 2011 7:26 p.m.

    What disrespect! Where is Skyward Sword?
  • Sleuth - June 24, 2011 8:33 p.m.

    Skyrim will guzzle down months of my life :D
  • RedOutlive10 - June 24, 2011 9:22 p.m.

    I really never understood what's so great behind native (no mods) Oblivion. It was utterly bland, very linear quests, copypasted terrain with a wolf or imp here and there, everything like dungeons ruins and whatnot looked exactly the same, and the chat/NPC interaction was beyond awful.
  • Kazumi - June 24, 2011 1:58 a.m.

    I can't wait for Skyrim. I can already tell that it's going to be my GOTY.
  • Markstone - June 24, 2011 2:09 a.m.

    I am so screwed for finals, all my study time will be spent playing Skyrim :(
  • Oliolioliooo - June 24, 2011 2:17 a.m.

    If I can still be my bright blue Argonian from Oblivion, then I'm happy.
  • icedoesnthelp - June 24, 2011 2:46 a.m.

    Honestly, I'll be spending most of my time on Skyward Sword.
  • babyhenchy1 - June 24, 2011 3:05 a.m.

    Mass Effect 3 is going to take up the most of my time. Skyrim and Dark Souls are up there though.
  • Gahmah - June 24, 2011 3:25 a.m.

    I've sunk 250 hours in to demon's souls, about 14 into elderscrolls in total, that might go up with morrowind playin some, but, not much.
  • staplersexits - June 24, 2011 3:48 a.m.

    There wasn't even a contest here.

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