Psycho Maniac vs. Nephilim
Last week we asked you, the readers, to decide who would win in a fight-to-the-death between Jack and Dante. You have spoken. One fighter has emerged victorious. The other has been slain. Here is what transpired in the fight's final moments.
"It didn't have to be this way, Dante," gasped Jack, holding the storied demon slayer by his slender throat with a cyborg arm that bristled with power. "Things could have been different." The 500-pound behemoth wheezed in an attempt to fill his metallic lungs with air. It was raining outside. Jack hated the rain.
With Dante incapacitated, Jack thought about how the fight had come to this point. The battle had raged on for hours, with the two exchanging powerful blows for what seemed like forever. Dante would juggle Jack in the air with a bevy of attacks, swapping weapons while dropping cocky one-liners like a foul-mouthed Schwarzenegger wannabee. Jack would follow up with his fists of fury, punching Dante so hard that his mascara would run (you have to punch a half-demon, half-angel super hard to make its mascara run). At one point, Jack had the disadvantage, as his chainsaw arm and bionic strength couldn't match Dante's supernatural abilities.
With a well-placed Stinger strike, Dante knocked the wind out of Jack. The breathless cyborg teetered on the precipice of life, clinging on to his robot hopes and dreams, grasping for something--anything--that would motivate him to hold on. He thought about his time in the military. About DeathWatch. He thought about his youth, about the time he joined a Little League baseball team, and, much to the disappointment of his father, discovered that he was too scared of the ball to stay in the batter's box. If only he had stayed in the box... if only he had hit the ball but once, perhaps he wouldn't be here now.
Overcome with rage, Jack inhaled just enough air to perform the ultimate crushing blow against his demon-slaying foe: "DANTE!" he whispered as loudly as he could, "no one likes your haircut." Suddenly, the Son of Sparda was crippled with fear. His ego had been punched square in the balls. Wasting no time, Jack scooped him up with his cyborg arm. "It didn't have to be this way, Dante." Things had come full circle.
"F*&% you," Dante cried out, depressed. His haircut? What was wrong with it? He just wanted to fit in. "Maybe you can use that chainsaw arm of yours to make people like my hair again?" Dante asked, half smiling, half crying. "Give me the Jude Law." But Jack hated giving haircuts, his friends asked him for free shaves all the time. "Sorry, Dante," he replied. "I don't help people. I kill them." Then, right as Jack was about to remove the innards of Sparda's spawn, Dante went nuts.
"GIVE ME THE JUDE LAAAAAW," he cried out. His hair turned the purest form of white (remarkably Jude Law-like), and his eyes shined fire engine red--he had activated his Devil Trigger. Jack Cayman exploded from the sheer awesomeness of the transformation. The fight had come to an end. Dante gasped, his body reeling from the power coursing through his veins. He had won the battle. "F*&%, man, I need some pizza."
And the winner is... Dante
The readers have spoken: Dante is the clear winner of last week's battle, and for good reason. While Jack could probably best your average "hero" without much effort, he doesn't really stand a chance when taking on an angel/demon hybrid with superpowers and a Super Saiyan mode. Be sure to check back on Friday for this week's match-up, and let us know in the comments below how you think the fight between Dante and Jack would've gone down. And, in cased you missed the setup for this battle, we've included the details below!
In case you missed it: The tale of the tape
A mechanic/ex marine with a retractable chainsaw arm versus the wily spawn of a powerful demon and his angel lover--this week's battle to the death is gonna get ugly. Good news, readers: You'll be the ones to decide who will live and who will die.
BUT! Before we can speculate as to who would come out on top, we must first examine the tools and tricks that each contestant has at his disposal. To do so, we scoured the web for any official information pertaining to the abilities and proficiencies of both parties.
Now, armed with all the information the internet has to offer, you shall choose your victor--and on Tuesday we'll post a detailed play-by-play of how the fight will go down. Let's get started, shall we?
Dante (DmC Devil May Cry)
Dante is a demon-angel hybrid, aka Nephilim, who eeks out a living as a demon hunting vigilante. He lives as a social outcast, frequents shady nightclubs, and often has sexual relations with multiple women at once. His rebellious attitude often gets him in trouble, but lends itself well to his fighting spirit. His confidence is only rivaled by his fighting abilities.
- Preferred weaponry: Rebellion (shape-shifting sword), Ebony & Ivory (pistols), snarky wit.
- Powers & abilities: Super speed, double jump, supernatural stamina, Devil Trigger (super saiyan mode).
- Notable weaknesses: Women, the inability to resist insulting his enemies, the fact that he probably won't win this battle because fans of the DMC series can't stand his redesign.
- Greatest accomplishment: Saved the world from legions of demons.
Jack Cayman (MadWorld / Anarchy Reigns)
Mr. Cayman is an ex marine gone rogue--now a practicing mechanic--whose right arm is cyborg in nature. He has grafted a retractable double-bladed chainsaw to the mechanical limb. Like Dante, he's cocky and confident, and possesses unnatural speed. However, Jack is more known for his brute strength. His humongous fists are bristling with power, as he can fell some opponents with a single punch. He has been known to pick up cars and other heavy objects and toss them with ease at his foes.
- Preferred weaponry: Gator Tooth (retractable double-bladed chainsaw arm), powerful fists.
- Powers & abilities: Super strength, resourcefulness.
- Notable weaknesses: Raw onions (seriously, he eats entire bulbs of the things), cigarettes.
- Greatest accomplishment: Wanton murder.