Our latest excavation from the cheats crypt (see our archive here) unearths three games that you probably forgot you had, and unless you’re an artsy Mac user or one of those damn Linux rebels, you can probably play them right now. Yes, even bundled Windows games (see “menial distractions”) contain sneaky cheats left over from bygone programmers who were pissed off to be coding an operating system instead of Quake. From Solitaire to Hearts, we’ll show you how to cheat at some of the most banal-yet-overplayed games of all time while you waste away your days in your stuffy cubicle.
Solitaire is an efficiency expert’s nightmare: a quiet, easily-minimized, time-wasting refuge for the jaded office worker. It may not be “fun” per se, but it makes the clock tick ever so slightly faster as coffee cups pile up and nine grinds on inevitably to five. For years the logical progression of brightly colored cards from chaos to order has transfixed the minds of caffeine-addled drones across the world. But what relief can be offered to workers so jaded and nihilistic that even the tedious, time-wasting experience of Solitaire seems like a futile act of subordination to the Man?
In the ultimate statement of apathy – you can cheat at a game that would seem, by its very nature, to defy cheating. Press Alt + Shift + 2 to instantly win a game, completely negating its time wasting effects and rendering it even more vacuous than before.
Above: The trippy card trails are enough to entrain us
To disturb the game’s profound sense of order and baffle your bovine coworkers and friends, you can move your cards to illegal positions and try to convince them that they’ve always been playing the game wrong. First, select a card and drag it to a legal position. Rather than letting it go, hit escape, and it will fly back to its original spot. Now click on any card, and it will teleport to the spot you were holding the legal card over. You deviant, you.
If FreeCell is more you’re thing, as if it could possibly be somehow “more fun” or “less fun” than Solitaire, hit Ctrl + Shift + F10, press “abort,” and make any move to win instantly.