50 video game haikus for the poetic gamer

A cavalcade of haikus celebrating all (or damn near most) of your favorite video games

Words: on August 10, 2010

Since mankind first crawled from the primordial ooze, gamers have sought newer and more creative ways to express their love of video games through the subtle medium of haikus (it’s true – shut your mouth). Following in this spirit of literary expression, GamesRadar has unleashed the poet within to provide a more distinguished look into many of our favorite video games. Feel free to let these poetic contemplations inspire your own muse and share your haikus in the comments. Remember, the form is five beats, then seven, and then five again.


Street Fighter

Ryu

This isn't so bad.
Just jump the Hadouken and...
F$%&! Shoryuken...

Guy

Shadow warrior...
Bushinryu adepts know
Ninjas wear sneakers.

Cammy

The Killer Bee’s back
She still wears thong leotards
Thank you, God…thank you.

M. Bison

Shadaloo villain;
Astounding resilience.
Dead - not dead…what gives?

Vega

Spanish ninjutsu
Means I get steel claws; you don’t.
Bloody High Claw, bitch.

Guile

Impossible hair;
Theme goes with everything.
Eyebrows are for wimps.

Gen

Master assassin
Been dying since forever
Leukemia sucks.

Zangief

Oh shit; not again
Stay away stay away stay…
GODDAMN COMMAND GRAB!!!

Akuma

Demon warrior
Always killing M. Bison
Never seems to take.

Dhalsim

Stretchy Indian
The worst pacifist ever
Bitchin’ theme music.

Next Page: Halo, God of War, Demon’s Souls

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Platforms:

Xbox 360, PS3, PS2, Wii, PC, PSP, DS, 3DS

47 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
  • Bagmun

    Bagmun  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    I'm glad everyone enjoyed it.

    On a side note, haikus are more about "beats" than syllables when it comes to english. Real does have two syllables ('ree-uhl), but it only has one beat because nobody in their right mind says "Ree-uhl." Cool beans?
  • diddly

    diddly  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    Oh and just realised it wasn't your article, but figured it might be since you were getting the most flak in the "real" discussion. Even still, great article
  • diddly

    diddly  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    Chhhhhaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrlllliiiieeeeeee (like your talkradar intro) Why are these spammers messing with your article?

    And on a side note, great article buddy really enjoyed the MW2 ones, and the Halo 3 ones involving noobs. And truer words were never spoken about cougars. Great job buddy!
  • pollenski

    pollenski  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    ebay21,
    danxin and xanxin sell fakes
    dont go to their store
  • Fendaren

    Fendaren  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    Commander Shepard:
    "This is my favorite store,
    On the Citadel."
  • pin316

    pin316  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    How about:

    - Legend of Zelda -
    Must save the Princess,
    please stop calling me Zelda,
    that is not my name

    - Assassin's Creed -
    Diving off rooftops,
    Templars keep f**king things up,
    Stab them in the face

    - Monkey Island -
    I am a Pirate,
    LeChuck is such an a$$hole,
    root beer conquers all
  • philipshaw

    philipshaw  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    I have a metal gear one

    Snake sneaking in
    codec call inbound
    20 min cutscene to follow
  • HawtKakez

    HawtKakez  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    Not a bad read. Had a few chuckles here and there. Thanks for posting.
  • DavidELDiablo

    DavidELDiablo  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    CoD MW 2

    Another CoD game
    Started playing online once
    Kids made me lose my ears.

    Zelda

    Another Zelda game
    It might be best one ever
    Won't beat O o T.

    WoW

    Millions love WoW
    It is a real lifestyle
    more epic then life.

    Halo

    The best F P S
    multiplayer annoying
    lots of "Flag Dropped"
  • Swindleton

    Swindleton  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    @Twilight

    Don't be so stupid
    Real is just ONE syllable
    Learn to speak English

    @that Panda guy

    Don't encourage him
    REE-ALL? Double You Tee Eff
    Just like yeehaw, right?



    ehhhhh...
  • Articblaze

    Articblaze  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    Brutal Legend

    To assure sequel
    For game that rules from up high
    Shut Tim Schafers mouth.
  • Genericpenisjoketista

    Genericpenisjoketista  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    P.S. Thanks for the Haiku idea. I just wrote a shit-ton of lovey ones in a letter to my girlfriend and she's going to love me for that shit. You guys rock.
  • Genericpenisjoketista

    Genericpenisjoketista  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    I have one for Mass Effect:

    Fox News Really Hates You
    You Get Too Much Tang For Them
    Keep On Keepin' On

    (bonus points because the drink "Tang" was invented for astronauts)
  • greenjoker

    greenjoker  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    poetry can be anywhere...thanks for the creative article
  • Fata1Stryke

    Fata1Stryke  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    Master Chief:

    He appears manly,
    'Til you find out his girlfriend
    Is a hologram.
  • mahabat

    mahabat  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    haha shut up midwest isn't an accent its just how it is, so real is one syllable
  • Gobblemeister

    Gobblemeister  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    The Demons Souls and Street Fighter ones were awesome.

    Especially Ryu's.
  • Helios

    Helios  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    Never been a big fan of poetry, but these are pretty good.

    And for the argument about whether "real" is 1 or 2 syllables? How about we all compromise and just add 1 and 2 together to say that "real" has 3 syllables.

    *Sigh* Aren't compromises great?
  • jjthesurvivor

    jjthesurvivor  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    here's mine for mass effect:

    shepard wrex shepard
    wrex shepard wrex shepard wrex
    how real men talk


    real may be 1 or 2 syllables
  • Mamudo

    Mamudo  - 1 year, 9 months ago  - Report

    Some of them gave me a chuckle, especially the one about Dhalsim, "worst pacifist ever"
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