38 favourite bullshit PR cliches

While the burgeoning relationship between journalist and game usually cresecendos with the orgiastic opinion-spree that is the final review, it is always preceded by months of awkward foreplay, as PR and dev alike whispers sweet promises into our ears. Often though, these golden vows turn out to be founded upon nothing but bollocks and deceit. And that upsets us.

So here, to spare you the pain we have felt so many times, is our guide to the most frequently occuring PR flannel and how it far too often translates into real-world truth-speak. Be strong, dear readers, and never again be hurt like we have been.

“State of the art graphics”
“It has graphics”

“A unique blend of genres”
“You can jump AND shoot!”

“Three other local devs we know said it's good in an award ceremony you’ve never heard of”

“We were a bit vague during the design stage and still don't really know what it's all about”
“It has a genre but doesn't do it very well, so we threw in some mini-games”

“It's massively generic, but it cost us a hell of a lot of money so it is a big deal.”

“We have entered into an exciting strategic partnership with Company X”
“We sold Company X some techy stuff that you're probably not interested in and will never notice in any of their games you might play. And we really like tortology.”

“We have joined forces with Publisher X / We are proud to join the Publisher X family”
“We'd screwed up our business and Publisher X bought us out for a fiver”

“We're looking forward to a bright future as part of the Publisher X family of studios”
“We're praying Publisher X doesn’t close us down and fire us after one game”

“Leading-edge technology”
“It's not bleeding edge, or even cutting edge, but comparatively it's not too bad. Probably about average really. It's definitely not sh*t though.”

“We continue to satisfy gamers' unending appetite for...”
"We're on sequel/DLC pack number 378, and we're not stopping now, because you suckers don’t know when you’re being milked”

“Too dark to see anything”

“The legendary series”
“The crusty old series that no-one cares about any more”

“The cult series”
“The series that three people like”

“Completely customise your gameplay experience”
“Change the colour of your character's pants”

“A new chapter in the epic saga”
“If you download this, you'll finally have the full game you paid for two months ago”

“Revolutionary new game-changing content”
“A new colour of pants and a second, marginally different deathmatch option.”

“Special gameplay features include…”
“Here are some things this game does that you'd expect it to do by default.” ie. “This racing game has cars. ON TRACKS! With wheels and EVERYTHING!”

“A whole new spin on the genre”
We've got a weird new gimmick that everyone else has chosen not to use for a very good reason”


  • shnizoid - July 28, 2009 8:33 p.m.

    this is fucking hilarious! and true!
  • LieutenantCipher - July 3, 2009 2:05 a.m.

    "a bad stand-up comedian get progressively drunk out of desperation and piss himself on stage, before eventually starting to cry under the spotlight" Have you been watching Family Guy GR? XD
  • jar-head - April 24, 2009 12:21 a.m.

    GR wins
  • Picnic1 - April 5, 2009 1:01 p.m.

    This was a recent one from Nintendo: “…what you’re seeing is this average business model, the typical business model of, say, the five to six year generation of hardware is just not valid anymore. The Wii is a very approachable, accessible platform that’s going to interest gamers for years to come.” Translation: At the moment we've made so much money from the Wii that we're using £50 bank notes as toilet paper. Spend money on creating new technology in a few years time? Are you mad? Half our new buyers are grannies who think that Teletext has good graphics. We should have spotted this years ago- the Gameboy's graphics were rubbish compared to the Game Gear but people didn't care. Now we're going to milk this cash cow until its udders are sore like we did with the Gameboy and Sony did with the PS1 and PS2.
  • gatornation1254 - March 29, 2009 6:10 p.m.

    Great article i agree with them all.
  • kurkosdr - March 26, 2009 6:11 p.m.

    [b]"we are shifting focus into developing titles for the value-minded audience (and for the mobile gaming scene)"[/b] "we 've lost the bet to turn the company into a developer of A-grade games, and now we are back into making crap for the bargain bin, hoping into tricking 10 year olds into forking over their allowance for our excuse of games" See: Majesco [b]"compelling AI that will trick your brain"[/b] "CPU opponents will have a massively unfair advantage over your character, because the AI we coded is so damn weak that there is no chance in hell they would get close to beating you in a fair fight" Most common in the racing genre, where opponents actually drive flying carpets (ex the cops of NFS:hot pursuit 2, or drivers in 4x4 Evo 2) [b]"realistic simulation of Activity X" (usually includes piloting or driving, but can also be used for trains and ships)[/b] "the controls will be so stiff you 'll end up crashing somewhere every time you attempt to drive the damn thing"
  • dougle - March 26, 2009 2:42 a.m.

    nail on the head
  • OldRustyDusty - March 25, 2009 8:26 p.m.

    Hahahaha this is great. I've seen/heard/read all of these, and the explanations are spot-on, very funny but sadly true.
  • Z-man427 - March 25, 2009 7:08 a.m.

    "NOTE: It's a well-known games journalism fact that a newly announced game can be immediately and accurately reviewed by starting at a perfect 10 and subtracting the number of exclamation marks in the press release to arrive at a final score." back when i was a Journalism major, i was told that a journalist gets 2 exclamation points to use in their entire career. anyone who uses one to fill characters, like the person who inspired the above quote, are idiots. great article though. i never tire of these things. whenever i read excerpts like these, i try to figure out which words were left out in order to make it sound positive.
  • somerandomchap - March 25, 2009 4:54 a.m.

    haha awesome, i want to play a game with my ass then i will have buns of steel
  • TrevorISme - March 24, 2009 11:37 p.m.

    Heh this made me laugh hard I Especially love when they put these sayings on the front of the box like over the box art to catch casual gamers eyes as they search the store for an exciting new Wii Game!
  • Grenade - March 24, 2009 11:03 p.m.

    This article is full of truth.
  • JoeMasturbaby - March 24, 2009 10:44 p.m.

    i couldnt stop laughing at the "zany" joke. hahaha re-captcha: Pro-Kruger
  • Thelonius - March 24, 2009 10:32 p.m.

    LOL. Another great gr article.
  • Mittenz - March 24, 2009 10 p.m.

    “All new [insert absolutely anything here]” Unless it has a giraffe on a unicycle in it or you can control the game with buttock clenches, it’s not new. Rather, it's tweaked. Sooo, Rayman aving rabbids is original with its wiifit control scheme?
  • CaptainWow - March 24, 2009 9:39 p.m.

    You forgot; "Sign up now to take part in the Beta" We can't afford games testers anymore, so you lot f*cking do it
  • GamesRadarBrettElston - March 24, 2009 8:23 p.m.

    Star Trek TNG is my favorite show of all time, and your jokes at its expense have reduced me to tears. Fitting then, that my reCaptcha is wounded $87
  • Kerfluffle - March 24, 2009 7:44 p.m.

    “A chance for fans to explore previously unseen parts of the much-loved franchise X universe” basically means Star Wars: The Force Unleashed “X-number of new [insert feature/item/clothing]” can apply to any expansion with the word "Sims" on it.
  • Xplosive59 - March 24, 2009 5:01 p.m.

    great article as alays GR im glad to see the week of hate is back again as i loved the first one is it going to be annual? recaptcha: 21 Fannie
  • Corsair89 - March 24, 2009 3:59 p.m.

    "we're about putting smiles on faces" *shudder* That E3 horrified me more than anything in Silent Hill or Resident Evil could. reCaptcha: Flintstones cream

Showing 1-20 of 38 comments

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