Just when the grisly memory of Cheaper By The Dozen 2 was starting to fade, along comes another shrill, sickly comedy about a supersized family. A remake of a 1968 hit, it sees reunited high school sweethearts Dennis Quaid (naval martinet) and Rene Russo (hippy chick) tying the knot, thus merging their respective broods - he's got eight kids, she's got 10 - into one squalling mega-clan. A clash of parenting philosophies ensues. Hilarity doesn't.
The original was anchored by the wattage of Henry Fonda and Lucille Ball. Alas, Quaid and Russo are set adrift amid the torrent of paint, puke and pet-pig gags. The sibs, meanwhile, are either brattish or bland. At least director Raja Gosnell shows mercy by tearing us through the hijinks at whiplash speed. Even so, this is still the best advert for sterilisation you're likely to see all year.