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Who We'd Cast In Speilberg's Tintin Movie

So, Pegg and Frost have been cast as the identical Thompson Twins in Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson's Tintin. But they don't look anything alike, which is confusing, right?

It doesn't matter. Tintin will be a CGI 3D mo-cap affair, which means that anyone can play anyone. Using that logic, here's who we'd cast in the rest of the roles.

Professor Cuthbert Calculus

Who is he? Absent-minded half-deaf genius scientist, who invents elaborate machines to aid Tintin in his adventures. Essentially the Q to Tintin's James Bond, only a bit more mental.

Who we'd cast: Christopher Lloyd. There's only one movie mad scientist we've ever cared about, and that's Dr. Emmett Brown from Back To The Future. And the idea of Christopher Lloyd leaping around a greenscreen room covered in golfballs and bellowing "Goat, am I?" fills us with a childlike glee.

Back-up: Adrien Brody

Nestor the butler

Who is he? Nestor is essentially a mish-mash of every single butler cliche you can think of. Initially depicted as a thief, he was cleared of all charges and ended up working for Captain Haddock.

Who we'd cast: Paul Burrell. Burrell's so much of a Butler cliche we're pretty sure he leaves the house wearing white gloves. He was recently depicted as a thief by the media, he was cleared of all charges and ended up working for reality television.

Back-up: Michael Caine

General Alcazar

Who is he? Part inspired by Che Guevara (looks-wise at least), General Alcazar is a power-crazed general from the isle of San Theodoros.

Despite the fact he's a dictator who occasionally has his enemies shot without trial, Tintin considers Alcazar to be a mate.

Who we'd cast: Vladimir Putin. Dobby was partly inspired by him (looks-wise at least), so he sort of has experience with CGI motion-capture characters. Putin has held onto power in Russia for as long as possible.

Despite the fact that he occasionally invades Georgia, the West considers Putin to be a mate.

Back-up: Benicio Del Toro


Bianca Castafiore

Who is she? She bills herself as one of the best opera singers of her generation, despite the fact she only seems to know one song and can't even sing that very well.

Who we'd cast:
George Clooney. Just because we want to hear him talk in a high-pitched haughty voice.

Back-up: Cate Blanchett


Who is he?
Ginger-quiffed kid adventurer.

Who we'd cast:
Sam Worthington. It seems to be a new Hollywood law that Worthington has to appear in every major effects franchise, and this is the only place we can fit him. Well, we suppose he could play Snowy.

Back-up: Kodi Smit-McPhee