Weak for Men: The road to Gold

Humble beginnings

Listen--we at GamesRadar have a problem. No matter how much we try, we just can't stop playing League of Legends. Some of us have been hooked on LoL for years; others are still in the honeymoon phase. But many of us have succumbed to the seductive bite of the harsh mistress known as Ranked play, where our skills are put to the test against legions of bloodthirsty teams. Trouble is, our somewhat insufficient abilities have kept us constrained to the ranks of the Silver division of the Ranked ladders, a single notch above the ELO hell known as Bronze League.

But all that's about to change. Tom, Ryan, Zach, Hollander, and Lucas have joined forces to create GamesRadar's first in-house League team: Weak for Men. We want to share the story of our epic undertaking as Season Three comes to a close, so we've decided to chronicle our journey through the merciless Ranked jungle. Will we achieve our Gold dreams before the ladder season ends on October 31st? Or will our spirits be crushed by the balled fist of failure? Find out as we stream our games live on the GamesRadar Twitch page, then recount them here.

Just who is Weak for Men?

Royal Club. Fnatic. Dignitas. Gambit. All professional-level LoL teams are united under an unforgettable, infinitely cool-sounding name. For us, Gold is just the beginning. End-game? Quitting our jobs as GR editors and going full-time pro. We knew that if we were going to go pro, our team name would have to make a statement. It should instill fear and respect in our opponents, while giving the masses something they could rally behind. And thus, Weak for Men was born. We are simply insisting that our physical strength is well below the national average for adult males our age. And there's also the element that if we were actually Strong for Men, it's likely we'd be playing physical sports, not eSports.

Tom "OfTheSame" Magrino

Main role: jung or top, jung or top (It's all about the ctrl + v)
LoL experience: Real talk time: Were it not for me, this whole thing would not be happening. Narcissitic, much? No! Back in April 2013, Riot offered to fly Coop out to Shanghai for the inaugural 2013 All-Star series. Luckily for me, he was getting married that weekend, and therefore could not go. I, knowing a tad-bit of Mandarin, pulled rank and nominated myself to go instead. Problem was, I'd only played League a handful of times back in 2009, when it was still mostly garbage. So, in a bid to do some "research," I began playing excessively, infectiously. The fire was lit. I am Prometheus.
Disclaimer: All, some, or none of the comments made above may be considered accurate, untrue, or distorted beyond all recognition.
Disposition: Fear, terror, panic. IN MY OPPONENT. And teammates.
Preferred champions: Volibear, Hecarim, Aatrox, Irelia

Ryan "Sammick" Taljonick

Main role: AD carry (can also support, jungle)
LoL experience: Okay, so Tom's lying. He thinks he started this whole thing, but really he and I just HAPPENED to really get into League around the same time. The first time I'd ever heard about LoL was back in college, during a party where this group of ladies was talking about their favorite champions. I had no idea what they were talking about--until 2011, where I gave it a go. But it wasn't until earlier this year that I got hardcore addicted. From April until now, I've played AT LEAST one game a day, aside from a stretch in August when I reviewed pretty much every game that came out that month. Now it's time to rock 'n roll McDonalds, naw mean?
Disposition: Bonds. Portfolios. Stocks. Investments. 401K. Roth IRA. I'm a grownup.
Preferred champions: Caitlyn, Tristana, Graves, Thresh, Sona

Zach Idotychiedes Betka

Main role: AP mid, Jungler, Top
LoL experience: I think I added it up one day and found that Ive played 2 months worth of league. As in, if you take all the time that Ive played and summed it up, I would have been sitting at my computer for 2 months. Thats healthy right? Well, not as healthy as my attitude towards League. Many mentally relaxing nights have been spent cutting my sleep time in half just to get in one more game, only to sob into a pint of ice cream at three in the morning as I lament how terrible my games were. Its a great relationship. I have one of those green ribbon thingies though, which basically means Im willing to get bullied into supporting because I bend to the will of others.
Disposition: ENERGETIC AND POSITIVE. I still think the world holds great things for everybody, so Ill be bringing that sunshine to our team. Ill also be bringing rainbows.
Preferred champions: Lux, Rumble, Fiora, Rengar

Hollander "Coop" Cooper

Main role: Support, and Mid or Top if they let me
LoL experience: Know that movie where the old guy sees all the kids playing the sport he was playing before they were born and he's all grumpy about it? That's me. I'm that guy. I'm old and grumpy. But I still like playing League of Legends as long as everyone isn't freaking out and yelling at each other. I was in the early beta (as proven by the fact that my Summoner name is actually just "Coop") and played a few hundred games over the past few years, swapping roles, spending money, and jumping in from time to time. I've never been incredibly hardcore, so seeing everyone here freak out about going pro is sort of crazy, but when in Rome. Let's do this.
Disposition: I don't like when people get mad or sad or angry or anything please stop yelling at me I'm sorry I'll buy more wards I'm leaving now wait which wards did you want me to get just ping on the map where you want them I know I should know this but I just want to do what you want me to do without you FREAKING OUT I SAID I'M SORRY COME ON.
Prefered champions: I like Lux and Nidalee, but Blitzcrank is my true love.

Lucas "Ljrepresent" Sullivan

Main role: AP mid, Solo top
LoL experience: I've been playing LoL off and on since it was in beta--a fact I'm both proud and ashamed of. While interning at PC Gamer, I contended for the title of "resident LoL nut" with former editor Josh Augustine. Little did I know that my obsession would be far eclipsed by the passion of Tom and Ryan, who equate LoL with such necessities as food and shelter. I am prone to explicitly stating that I hate the game whilst losing, then immediately rejoining the queue to ensure that I end on a win. After placing in Silver Division 1, I let my ELO decay into oblivion. Now, it's time to pursue the ranks of Gold that I so narrowly missed the first time around.
Disposition: I was unsure of enlisting with Weak for Men at all, considering how stressful I've found Ranked matches to be in the past. Now, I've reluctantly joined the ranks, hoping to act as the "let's just have fun" mediator to Ryan's "try hard or die hard" sensibilities.
Preferred champions: Syndra, Janna, Garen

Sophia "soapymoose" Tong

Main role: Sponsor/Benefactor
LoL experience: I've played League maybe a handful of times. By handful, I mean I can count on one hand how many matches I've played. I know how it works for the most part, I just haven't sat down and learned all the things I need to know other than "don't die". Also my right forearm tends to cramp up after 40 minutes of straight clicking, so there's that.
Disposition: I'm supporting these guys because it makes them happy whenever they get a chance to play. However, I'm in it to win it, so once they start losing, I'm OUT. Or theyre fired.
Preferred champions: Ashe

Lorenzo "Please..." Veloria

Main role: Involuntary spectator
LoL experience: I've played one game of League of Legends in my lifetime, as some Kung Fu monkey dude that kind of reminded me of Jet Li in that one Kung Fu monkey movie. I definitely remember clicking a LOT of little monster things and running away from the bots that just killed me anyway. I think I should have went "Jungle," or got some "bottom," or gone "Volley Bear" or whatever. You know, LoL jargon. I know what I'm talking about (not really). All in all, I won my first match against the LoL bots and immediately retired, so as to not taint my perfect record of victory.
Disposition: Win or lose...meh.
Preferred champions: The monkey dude [Wukong?] I guess

But can it be done?

We'll be posting recaps of our games on this page, reliving all the intoxicating highs and devastating lows inherent to any game of League. Follow us on the GamesRadar Twitch page to get a heads-up whenever we stream; that way, you can hop in the chat and give us pointers (or mock us mercilessly). And if you still don't see a reason to care, we'll MAKE you care.