Three review

A cross between Lost, Lord Of The Flies and a lads' mag swimwear shoot, Three's raison d'être is nakedly obvious: Kelly Brook's baps bobbing in the brine.

The other pair of tits of note are Texan businessman Billy Zane and Latino cliché Juan Pablo di Pace, who come to blows over our Kell when a boat disaster leaves the trio dumped on a desert island. Zane may be playing Brook's hubby, but it's di Pace who gets all the action. None of it much cop (or that frequent), mind you, especially the sniggersome 'homage' to From Here To Eternity's beach bonk.

Chuck in Brook's endless calendar poses, Zane going all Dead Calm and a class critique that makes Swept Away look like Ken Loach and you've got a strictly softcore shipwreck of a movie. Apparently, behind the strife is a hex from di Pace's ex - looks like she put a curse on the film, too.

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