The Expendables 4: "What was once a fun OAP action series is now DOA"

‘It’s good to be back,’ growls Dolph Lundgren’s Gunner. Not on this evidence, it isn’t. Cheap-looking and poorly scripted, this atrocious Sylvester Stallone-led actioner suggests the Expendables franchise should have stayed retired. Following 2014’s star-stuffed threequel, it’s a downsized downgrade. 

It opens in ‘Gaddafi’s old chemical plant’ in Libya, where a private army led by a shadowy figure named Ocelot steals some nuclear detonators to kickstart what Andy Garcia’s suit later suggests will be ‘a World War III shit-show’ (and that’s one of the better lines). After Stallone’s Barney Ross and his fellow Expendables fail to catch the nuke-snatchers, losing one of their members in the process, the fight-back gets personal. 

The second half is very much the Jason Statham show, following his grouchy Lee Christmas as he sneaks aboard an enemy vessel to rescue his buddies (Lundgren, Megan Fox, Curtis ‘50 Cent’ Jackson, and others so bland they should be called The Forgettables). A moderately exciting motorbike chase through the ship aside, director Scott Waugh (Need for Speed) brazenly borrows from Under Siege and Die Hard. 

At least Ong-Bak’s Tony Jaa and The Raid’s Iko Uwais inject charisma. But neither is given very long to show off their martial-arts prowess amid all the sub-par stunts and visual effects. The plot, meanwhile, hinges on a telegraphed ‘twist’ that’ll leave you groaning. Sly and Statham are always watchable – not least when the latter takes a job as security for an odious social media influencer. But they can’t save this mission from going painfully pear-shaped. 

The Expendables 4 is in US and UK cinemas from September 22.