The Covenant review

Why you can trust GamesRadar+ Our experts review games, movies and tech over countless hours, so you can choose the best for you. Find out more about our reviews policy.

Described by its makers as this generation’s answer to The Lost Boys, The Covenant is actually more like Harry Potter meets My Chemical Romance. Renny Harlin – the man who couldn’t make Satan scary in Exorcist: The Beginning – delivers a truly awful story about four teenage warlocks in a Massachusetts boarding school. It’s essentially The Craft with Y chromosomes, the good-looking heroes (led by Sky High’s Steven Strait) cursed with “important” supernatural powers that let them cheat at pool and lift up babes’ skirts. It’s borderline brain-dead and all dressed up with some stylised Goth trappings, flash cars and a surprising amount of latent homoeroticism (communal male showers and gratuitous Speedo scenes alert). Harlin botches every scare and trips over the script’s endless plot exposition, yet still has the cheek to set up a sequel-chasing finale. A right load of old warlocks.

NO VERDICT

The Total Film team are made up of the finest minds in all of film journalism. They are: Editor Jane Crowther, Deputy Editor Matt Maytum, Reviews Ed Matthew Leyland, News Editor Jordan Farley, and Online Editor Emily Murray. Expect exclusive news, reviews, features, and more from the team behind the smarter movie magazine.