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A down-on-his-luck ex-soccer star (Gerard Butler) coaches his young son’s team as a way to bond with the boy and cope with his midlife crisis, developing a loyal fanbase of swooning ‘soccer moms’ along the way.

And then his ex-wife (Jessica Biel) steps into the picture, with wedding plans underway with a new man, and the waterworks start flowing.

Playing For Keeps is awful – and not in a hilarious Ed Wood way.

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It’s just sad-awful, as in Hollywood thinks so little of female film-goers that it expects them to eat up pandering dreck like this.

Director Gabriele Muccino ( The Pursuit Of Happyness ) can do better, while Robbie Fox’s first script since 1993’s So I Married An Axe Murderer suggests he’s not had much inspiration since then.

At least Butler’s good at footie.

Ken McIntyre is a freelance writer who has spent years covering music and film. You'll find Ken in the pages of Total Film and here on GamesRadar, using his experience and expertise to dive into the history of cinema and review the latest films. You'll also find him writing features and columns for other Future Plc brands, such as Metal Hammer and Classic Rock magazine.