Non-playable characters we wish were playable

As not played in: Sonic Adventure

Eating everything in sight and replicating that pier-chomping scene from Godzilla would be undeniably ace. But eating Sonic - so we’d never have had to endure a decade of disappointing 3D Sonic titles - would be even better.

As not played in: Half-Life 2

Simple selection, really. Apart from wanting to ‘playfully’ frolic with Alyx Vance, we just want to be part of ‘that’ Stalker fight from Episode Two. A screen-filling cacophony of crashing metal and sci-fi based violence, it would provide the perfect tonic to the gripping isolation that comes from exploring City 17’s surrounding countryside.

As not played in: Dead Rising

ZOMG! Two one-handed chainsaws for teh win!

As not played in: Devil May Cry 4

Well, she’s clearly an awesome demon hunter, isn’t she? And wouldn’t it be nice to have a change from emo, floppy-haired, beautiful men for a change? The desire to see Gloria playable stems entirely from admiration of her fighting prowess and definitely has nothing to do with carefully manipulating the camera to see her exposed nether regions. No, definitely not. .

As not played in: Final Fantasy VII

So we could relive skewering Aerith like an annoyingly dainty, needlessly chaste salmon over and over.

As not played in: Donkey Kong Country

Don’t let that attention-grabbing, kart-driving, tennis-playing monkey mascot fool you. The Donkey Kong who’s adorned countless Nintendo games over the last decade is actually DK Junior. We want the barrel-throwing real McCoy. Aka Cranky Kong from DKC. Plus it’d give us the chance to beat Diddy Kong with a cane.