Next: Edward Cullen
Next: The Cannibals In Wrong Turn 2
Next: Tony Blair
Next: Harry Potter
Can you imagine what it would be like if the opposition party was the mudblood-killing Death-Eaters, led by the morality-shy Lord Voldemort?
He who cannot be named has polices all right, and they’re not good for any of us.
Next: Danny Ocean
The Problem: Global Economic Crisis
The Man For The Job: Danny Ocean (Ocean's 11)
Why He's Better Than Gordon:
So, the whole world has run out of money and we need a plan to sort it.
Well, there’s no better bloke at a) planning, b) finding money or c) looking smug about a) and b) than Danny Ocean.
And we could do with a bit of smugness – lord knows it’d be better than the glint of abject terror we glimpse in our PM’s eyes every now and then.
Don’t get us wrong, Gordon’s doing an okay job at fixing this particular problem. It’s just that it’s taking so long .
Ocean could get the whole thing fixed in a weekend in Vegas with his cabinet of crooks.
And Julia Roberts is a much more attractive foil than Hazel Blears.
Why He’s Worse:
Danny Ocean is used to stealing large sums of real money.
Unfortunately, the economic crisis is based on large sums of imaginary money (stocks and shares, bank credit) vanishing so, sadly, Danny’s skills would be useless.
Why the banks can’t just imagine it all back again, we’ll never know.
And it’s statements like that that stop us from getting jobs as Chancellors Of The Exchequer.
Next: Keyboard Cat
The Problem: Rubbish YouTube Videos
The Man For The Job: Keyboard Cat
Why Heâ€™s Better Than Gordon:
Now, we know that Keyboard Cat isnâ€™t strictly a movie man, but he was employed by the MTV Movie Awards to play off anyone whose speech overran, so he counts.
And Keyboard Cat wonâ€™t just fix Gordon Brownâ€™s awkward YouTube presence (no-one understands YouTube better than Keyboard Cat), heâ€™d be able to fix all of the previous problems, by simply playing off the issue.
We need a new Prime Minister. Keyboard Cat is the only maâ€¦ cat for the job.
Why Heâ€™s Worse:
He isnâ€™t worse in any way. Play Gordon off, Keyboard Cat!
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