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Old School RuneScape is unique among MMOs for too many reasons to list here, but a big one is its variety of account types. You have normal, unrestricted accounts and then multiple versions of Ironmen with special limitations. Ironmen can't trade items at all, Group Ironmen trade items only with their teammates, and Hardcore Ironmen lose their status after a single death. For my money, the most difficult account type would be an Ultimate Ironman since they can't trade or bank items, meaning they carry all their valuables at all times (outside of a few workarounds) in the same 28 inventory slots.
Unsatisfied with what's already regarded as a brutal game mode, OSRS player Schnoblin decided to max out arguably the most tedious skill in the game in possibly the worst way imaginable for an Ultimate Ironman. It took them three years, and now that they've done it, their advice is withering: "Maybe don't do this."
As Schnoblin explained in a Reddit post, their goal was simple: get an untrimmed Herblore cape on an Ultimate Ironman. In other words, get 99 Herblore before getting 99 in any other skill. This does indeed sound simple, but moving two tons of sand using only your eyelashes is technically simple.
Herblore is a difficult skill to train even on a normal Ironman account since it requires mountains of herbs and obscure potion ingredients which can be tough to gather. However, it's known as a special Hell for Ultimate Ironmen since they have such limited storage space for all that stuff. Getting Herblore supplies while deliberately throttling gains in skills which would normally make mixing potions much more efficient is like going for a 500-pound squat and then adding another 10 plates to the bar.
maybe don't do this: untrimmed Herblore cape on an Ultimate Ironman from r/2007scape
Schnoblin isn't the first Ultimate Ironman to pull this off – he even tips his hat to a fellow grinder, fittingly named UIM_Herblore – but their story is far and away the most detailed and modern breakdown of this obscene challenge that I've ever seen. Their write-up really puts the ardor of this three-year grind into perspective, and is positioned as a warning against anyone who would attempt what Schnoblin readily calls "a fucking stupid goal to go for." It was, after all, the result of them choosing "the absolute worst" untrimmed cape challenge that they could think of which also offered decent gameplay variety.
In the "absolute novel" attached to their post, Schnoblin writes: "You do not have to read it, it's more for other psychopaths who might follow a similar path or draw some ideas from. Think of it as a journal entry, a recollection."
The big question is right up front: do you regret it? "No. This grind is slow, but it's actually interesting," Schnoblin says. "This isn't a grind where you're locked in a room clicking a small object 500,000 times to move a bar slowly along. Herblore, especially on a UIM, is a very complicated series of interwoven systems. I learned a lot about the game trying to figure out the best ways to gather or process herbs."
"It was actually kinda fun in a weird way," they add. "Would I recommend it? Not unless you're a bit of a masochist." If anything, Schnoblin says it was even more tedious than it sounds, with their estimated XP per hour coming in around 10,000 averaged for the whole grind. Bear in mind, you need 13 million XP to reach level 99, and that's just Herblore training. Thankfully, there's a way to preserve untrimmed skillcapes – prized for their rarity, as they're normally automatically trimmed once you get a second 99 – so at least their trophy will endure.
The "interwoven systems" Schnoblin describes shine through in the workarounds and shortcuts used to make this type of Herblore training feasible, even if it is ungodly slow. For instance, they deliberately left a quest incomplete so they could make use of a unique processing method that made low-value herbs more effective, and this added up to "30-40% of all my XP since these herbs are so damn common." As pure Herblore XP, this method was also apparently key to preventing other skills from getting close to 99.
Elsewhere, Schnoblin estimates they killed anywhere from 150,000 to 300,000 Chaos Druids for their famously common herb drops. (They say the huge range is because their kill tracker broke, but as always it is quite worrying that OSRS players seemingly cannot distinguish such enormous gaps in time. It all runs together, folks.) Plenty of herbs also came from the Farming skill, which is exactly what you think it is. Farming herbs obviously requires seeds, and these were often sourced via the Thieving skill. Slayer, where you kill a set number of specific monsters, is another solid source of herbs and seeds as loot, so it's no surprise Schnoblin is 81 Slayer according to the OSRS high scores.
I'm especially fascinated by the explanation of how they made use of each herb type. I'll spare you the RuneScape pharmacology lesson, as fascinating as it undeniably is, and just focus on the high notes.
The "god tier herb" of the challenge was a leaf called Irit, which was especially valuable because the secondary ingredient for its potion is easy to get in bulk. I'm also intrigued by the method for processing Ranarr-infused prayer potions, which are extremely useful in combat since RuneScape prayers provide big stat bonuses and essential damage mitigation. Schnoblin elected not to farm the secondary ingredient for prayer potions and instead gather it from in-game fields, thus freeing up their player-owned farming lots for other needs.
"What now?" asks one staggered onlooker. "We finally play the game," Schnoblin replies. In seriousness, they explained in another reply that they already have their eyes on another long-term goal: "Untrimmed Herblore cape and Infernal Cape in the same inventory, and eventually a Max Infernal and untrimmed Herblore cape. Thinking about the latter sort of mindbreaks me, but that's the fun part about silly long term goals."
For reference, the Infernal cape is the best-in-slot reward for the hours-long, hard-as-nails Inferno combat gauntlet that most players can't complete even with perfect gear on an unrestricted account. To get a Max Infernal cape, you need to combine the Infernal cape with the coveted Max cape obtained from getting 99 in all skills. Again, this is not unprecedented; lots of Ultimate Ironmen are maxed, though almost none of them have untrimmed Herblore capes. By my calculations, Schnoblin ought to be able to clear this goal sometime before the sun burns out. At least they have a lot of potions ready to go.
Last month, thousands of OSRS players started the ultimate war in the MMO's game-warping Leagues mode: infinite money vs. infinite inventory space.
