John Tucker Must Die review

Promising title for a girly teen-com, that. It hints at a spiky, Heathers-style darkness... Of the sort you won’t find in this Betty Thomas-directed dud. Discovering that they’ve been three-timed by the studly Mr Tucker (Desperate Housewives hoe-wrangler Jesse Metcalfe), a pack of high-school pinheads swear revenge on his hoop-shooting ass. Set to an ear-bludgeoning bubblegum-pop soundtrack, their scheming involves such wheezes as switching steroids for oestrogen pills and the transformation of nice girl Kate (Brittany Snow) into cheer-squad lust-bait. With our heroine in danger of turning into a paid-up Plastic, this steers unwisely close to the infinitely funnier Mean Girls - and with a script as amusing as a coroner’s report, all that’s left for Thomas to fall back on is food fights, volleyball smackdowns and spinning the camera in stomach-worrying circles.