Did it just get weird in here?
Zelda meets Resistance in: The Legend of Zelda: The Fall of Man
The plot: As Link and Epona travel through the Lost Woods they come across a golden portal which transports them back to 1949, with Britain under full assault from the Chimera. The story continues at a breakneck pace of canon destruction, as Epona is savagely killed and Link is recruited to the human forces for 12 chapters of Chimera culling action.
With a title that can only be described as 'the most predictable in the world ever', The Legend of Zelda: The Fall of Man does not start brightly and unfortunately this is the beginning of a rut from which it never really escapes. It takes a brave writer to mess with the Zelda canon, but this author is unfazed, packing the tale with blood, guts and cheesy dialogue aplenty.
Pokemon meets Assassin's Creed in: The Raven
The plot: While Connor is undergoing his training with Achilles, he saves Ash from a wolf attack and takes him back to Achilles' mansion for safety. It is later revealed that Ash has super-powers and he is trained with Connor to become a master assassin. Unfortunately there are no actual Pokemon in this story, but Ash's powers of teleportation and electricity more than make up for that.
By the end of The Raven, Ash and Connor make a formidable team. Their travels across the New World lead to a considerable number of kills and Ashs superpowers make up for what many would consider to be a pretty dull character.
Sonic meets Call of Duty in: Conviction, pt1
The plot: Eggman has gone missing near a military base and Sonic is determined to find him, so he enlists in the special forces enabling him to investigate the area without causing suspicion. Before long, he is entwined in a global conspiracy involving Russian gangsters, Afghan terrorists and assassinations at the Kennedy Space Centre.
Like a post-Pixar-and-Haribo nightmare, Conviction pt1 combines colourful cartoon characters with hyper-violence in a potentially Oscar-winning premise. The author has even included a list of songs to play while you read through his story, including teen angst classics from Bullet For My Valentine and Avenged Sevenfold. Disappointingly, theres no pt2 yet. I live in hope.
Angry Birds meets the Raving Rabbids (and a TARDIS) in: Angry Birds Time Travel
The plot: Just as the Birds are about to recover all their eggs from the Pigs... down from nowhere swoop the Raving Rabbids and steal them all over again. The birds, aided by the mysterious Killer Eagle and Dyna Eagle, must chase the Rabbids through the fourth dimension to reclaim what is rightfully theirs.
Reading like the internal monologue of a hyperactive four year old after a double Espresso, Angry Birds Time Travels impact will stay with you as gently rock back and forth in the corner of a padded room. Theres a charming voyeuristic quality to birds screaming at each other; its like the therapy session you always needed but never had.
Spyro meets Halo in: Sangheili and Dragons
The plot: Spyros love interest, Cynder, rescues The Arbiter after his ship crash lands near Dragon City. It is not long before the Brute Army that shot down the Arbiter's ship chase him to Cynder's planet and together Cynder and the Arbiter must defend it from the onslaught. With sexy results.
Cynder may have been absent from our thoughts for a while, but its nice to know shes not been forgotten by the murky world of fanfic. In Sangheili and Dragons, the otherwise noble tale of military heroism unfortunately descends into predictably sordid territory in less than a chapter. Fittingly there are 69 chapters of it in total, all of them leaving you wanting to pour bleach on your imagination.
Jak & Daxter meets Shadow of the Colossus in: Worlds Collided
The plot: Worlds Collided sees Jak magically transported to The Shrine of Worship where Wander is watching over the unconscious Mono after defeating the first two Colossi. The two of them must work together to defeat the rest of the Colossi and save Mono.
If there's one thing Shadow of the Colossus didn't need it was a zany, wisecracking main character. But then this is the authors story not mine, so suck it up. As much as this is an admirable effort, the tone is all wrong. Jak's incessant one liners eradicate the haunting atmosphere that made SotC so famous--just thank goodness the author decided to leave Daxter behind in Haven City.
Pokemon meets Fallout in: Pokemon Wasteland
The plot: In Pokemon Wasteland, an original protagonist named Zane, living in Vault 131, flees from a revolt and escapes to the surface. He is soon tasked by Professor Oak with capturing all the Pokemon and recording their data onto a Pokedex. Of course
There are a surprising number of stories that feature a Pokemon and Fallout crossover narrative and it's easy to see why--the post-war theory is popular and kind of works. The nuclear war creates the mutated Pokemon who are able to reclaim the Earth with humanity locked away in underground vaults.
Metal Gear Solid meets Dead or Alive in: MGS:DOA
The plot: Taking place directly after the events of Sons of Liberty, MGS:DOA sees Snake and Otacon continuing their mission to destroy all the world's Metal Gears. Shady corporation DOATEC has agreed to fund the creation of a Metal Gear Rex in return for the Epsilon blueprints to genetically engineer a ninja army. Snake teams up with various DOA characters to disrupt DOATECs plans.
The story is as complex and convoluted as one Kojima might weave, but even less comprehensible. Considering how famous DOA is for its busty female characters, the author (thankfully--and astonishingly) keeps the story above board. Although the inclusion of a chapter in which Snake has to infiltrate a beach volleyball game would have elevated this story to a work of genius.
Yoshi meets Tetris in: Yoshi Plays Tetris
The plot: Yoshi is struggling to beat a game of Tetris, he receives some coaching from Dr Harryhousen Hoshi and then (spoiler alert) he is able to beat the game. That's it.
Yoshi Plays Tetris is so banal, its hard to understand why anyone would take the time to write it. In a way, its beautiful, almost perfectly encapsulating the medium of fan fiction in 900 words. Pointless, meaningless, overwhelmingly awful and yet somehow totally addictive. All the other fanfic writers should probably just go home now. You're not gonna beat this one.
Which games would you like to see mashed up?
So there you have it, I managed to return from the cesspool of fanfiction forums with my innocence only mildly shattered, all in the name of jarnalism. But the potential combinations of gaming universes are endless. So got an unusual combination of characters ripe for the fanfic treatment? Leave it in the comments while I repair my brain with a strict diet of Shakespeare and Chaucer for the rest of the week.
And if you're looking for more, check out The 'best' erotic video game fanfiction and 11 video game couples who aren't together, but really should be.
