Overwatch Season 2 adds post-match voice chat, which is such a bad idea that Blizzard is already warning players: "Banter is encouraged, abusive communication is not"

Overwatch Genji — (Image credit: Blizzard)

Overwatch Season 2 patch notes arrived today, and beneath a breakdown of the new Operation: Grand Mesa event and other limited-time modes, you'll find perhaps the funniest warning that Blizzard has ever issued: we're adding voice chat to post-game, but don't you dare act up.

"For the first time in Unranked and Competitive Play, players will be able to access Match Voice Chat as Post-Match Accolades begin," Blizzard says, quietly removing the pin from a grenade. "Players can join just before the stage appears but always need to manually opt-in by pressing a button," it adds, tossing the grenade into the room and swiftly shutting the door behind it. And yes, that does mean you can talk to the enemy team during the Play of the Game segment.

The vision, I think, is that players will celebrate standout performances, pat each other on the back, and playfully goad each other about the outcome of the match. Maybe they'll even reflect on strategies and share tips for self-improvement! You know, like runners exchanging jabs as they playfully elbow each other and walk off the field. "Nicely done, but I'll get you next time!" they'd exclaim. "I barely won that! I'll see you on the field," they'd reply. "I could only play like that because you had my back," they'd tell their support as they gave their shoulders a hearty slap.

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Tragically, Overwatch is played by gamers. Therefore, as anyone who's subjected their ears to any competitive game's voice chat can tell you, this kind of jolly cooperation will almost never happen. The more likely outcome is you getting an earful of the poorly, explicitly expressed resentment and frustration that festers in the neglected mind of a competitive player whose MMR is nailed to their sense of self and whose vocabulary would make a sailor blush.

If I were lowering a lamb shank into a pit of tigers with the hopes that you "please don't maul the lamb shank," I don't know if "banter is encouraged" is how I would open. Then again, the Pandora's box that is public comp chat isn't what I would open, either. Start the countdown now: how long until this experimental voice chat is adjusted, further policed, or outright removed as Blizzard's knees struggle under the weight of so many reports that they hide the sun?