Dwarf Fortress has been available to a wider audience on Steam for one month, and I've elected to mark the occasion by spending a few hours browsing Reddit for the most ridiculous stories players have had to tell. Friends, the bounty here is beyond imagining.
Many of these stories are basically one-liners, like the dwarven queen who has spent half-a-century holding - and winning - a crossbow-throwing contest (opens in new tab). Or the nude goblin (opens in new tab) who walked into a bar with nothing except for a copy of a book called "Never Underestimate the Goblin".
Taverns seem to attract nudity, as with the case of the naked monster slayer named Fecici Nutclap (opens in new tab), who has even generated his own fanart courtesy of user AetherealVanguard (opens in new tab).
But there are longer stories, too, such as KyleChief's tale (opens in new tab) of attempting to torture a particular annoying dwarf child to death in a room full of 30 tragic cats. The end result? The dwarf adopted those cats and became cured of depression. Heartwarming stuff.
We've all probably watched Lord of the Rings enough to know that elves and dwarves hate each other. Friendly banter over orc kills has nothing on i_am_law's necromancer dwarf (opens in new tab), however, who has continued resurrecting and killing the same elf over and over. This process has repeated at least 121 times.
Then there's the goose that felled a titan. Finding a titan about to attack, Jacob YNWA evacuated his dwarves (opens in new tab) to the interior of their fortress. "I completely forgot that I left my goose in the field outside and accepted that they would swiftly be eaten. However, after checking on all my dwarves to make sure they made it inside safely I panned back over to my goose to see that he had killed the titan in a 1v1 battle. It was a short fight, the titan broke both the goose's little legs and with no way to move the goose latched on to the titan's neck and ripped it apart." (Never mind the fact that the titan was likely made of leaves.)
To conclude this roundup, I'm going to share Speedwagon's Steam review (opens in new tab). You might've already seen it. If not, it's gold. "Two giant boars wandered in and ate a bunch of children. They then also killed and ate three dwarfs who attempted to help the children. My mayor then walked up to the giant boars and killed them both with her bare hands. She has now won six straight elections in a row."
We'll see if all the new players manage to top the worst thing the Dwarf Fortress community ever did.