Skip to main content

Watch the tragic tale of John John, NBA 2K16's 30-foot player

NBA 2K16 allows for all kinds of weird and wonderful player customization, but few of its creations have touched my heart like John John. You see, John John could just hold the ball over the hoop and let go, but he doesn't want to do that. John John wants to play basketball like all the other 76ers. Try as he might to fit in, though, John John isn't like his teammates. John John is 30 feet tall and he has teensy tiny T-Rex arms. This is his story.

Oh, and before you start watching, it helps if you imagine John John came from a tiny village in eastern Europe where he knew nothing but hardship before being scouted for the NBA. Alright, go ahead.

As you might expect, John John is a great shot blocker, but intercepting passes is tough when the other team can just lob the ball straight between your legs. He's basically the late, great Manute Bol times four, complete with four times the shooting difficulties. Even his stellar slam dunk contest performance is marred by routinely crushing the audience.

It's like the village crone said when the midwife had laid the 6'2" newborn at her knobbly feet: life will never be easy for John John.

Seen something newsworthy? Tell us!

Connor Sheridan
Connor has been doing news and feature things for GamesRadar+ since 2012, which is suddenly a long time ago. How on earth did that happen?