8 totally real reasons Nintendo cancelled its E3 conference

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As you might have heard, Nintendo isn't hosting an E3 press conference this year. It'll, instead, handle things differently, relying more on things like Nintendo Direct and less on things like spending thousands of dollars on a big room. But... why? There is plenty of speculation, but we think we know.

We've heavily-researched this topic, and come to several totally accurate conclusions. Here are eight really, really totally true reasons that Nintendo might not be having a press conference at E3 2013.

CEO Satoru Iwata forgot all about E3 and accidentally booked a bird-watching holiday in Kazakhstan

Iwata is currently avoiding Kaz Hirai over an untaken turn in Words With Friends

Iwata got too drunk at his Nintendo US CEO party and sent out a joke press release about pulling out of E3

Mario and Luigi are currently only communicating via lawyers after a pay dispute, and refuse to appear in the same press conference as each other

Iwata is afraid to return to E3 after last year, when Cliffy B held him down in the mens toilets while Ken Levine stole his lunch money

Since 2010 ex-Sony man Phil Harrison has been wearing an Iwata mask, and has been attempting to ruin Nintendo from the top. The real Iwata is currently chained to a radiator in Harrisons basement

Having sunk months of his life into Skyrim, Iwata emerges from his bedroom--in his pants--and realizes that he's forgotten to make any new games for E3...

Due to administrative error, all the Nintendo management are booked to deliver a keynote speech at the P3 Sustainable Design Awards in Washington DC

Actually, this one might be true.

Or... maybe there's another reason

These are just our gues--erm, well-researched conclusions. What are yours? Let us know why you think Nintendo is bailing on hosting an E3 presentation in the comments.

And if you're looking for more, check out an analysis on why Nintendo isn't doomed and an editorial discussing EarthBound's return.