Grouchy Smurf
The Actor: After winning an Oscar for Goodfellas , Pesci slummed it in Home Alone and Home Alone 2 .
Why He's Perfect For the Role: He’s got the height, he’s got the tone of voice, and well, he’s a very grouchy man.
Ease Of Smurfing: Chuck a bucket of blue paint over the feisty fella, a la Kevin in Home Alone. A nice thick coat should hide those raging red cheeks. Simples.
Sample Dialogue: “Smurfy? Smurfy how!?”
Vanity Smurf
The Actor: Oh how we love Purple Rain . Wish we could say the same for the follow-up films, Under The Cherry Moon and Graffiti Bridge .
Why He's Perfect For the Role: We don’t want to call the man vain, but he does really enjoy the way he looks and, well, he's not the biggest fella on the block, is he?
Ease Of Smurfing: Brazilian triplets and a truckload of blue latex body paint, and Prince should make it to the set smurfed up… some of the time.
Sample Dialogue: “I’m one Smurfy motherf***er.”
Brainy Smurf
The Actor: That adorable kid from Jerry Maguire , and the Stuart Little films, who grew up to be unemployed.
Why He's Perfect For the Role: Let’s face it, at 19, Lipnicki hasn’t aged more than two weeks since Jerry Maguire , and with those glasses, the kid must be brainy!
Ease Of Smurfing: Ever dedicated to his performances (some would say desperately so) Lipnicki gets full body tattooed Smurf blue – ensuring he’s a shoe-in for the straight-to-DVD sequel.
Sample Dialogue: "The Smurf head weighs 8 ounces!"
Smurfette
The Actor: Stole our hearts in Buffy, though we sent the bailiffs round to get it back when The Return came out. Boo.
Why She's Perfect For the Role: Starting where her character in Cruel Intentions left off, Gellar’s Smurfette will drive sausage-fest Smurf Village totally Smurfy!
Ease Of Smurfing: Seeing Gellar painted head to toe in blue body paint would make a great addition to the DVD extras. Hell, it would make a great film.
Sample Dialogue: “I’m the only Smurf you can’t have, and it kills you. You can put it anywhere…”
Hefty Smurf
The Actor: Following his Oscar nom in The Departed , Marky Mark starred in the particularly smurfy films The Happening and Max Payne .
Why He's Perfect For the Role: He certainly brings the heft. At five foot nine, he’s probably a little bit too tall, but we're pretty sure he'd be prepared to do that thing where you kneel down and use shoes to make it look like that's where your legs stop.
Ease Of Smurfing: See above.
Sample Dialogue: [to house plant] Hello. My name is Hefty Smurf. I'm just going to talk in a very smurfy manner, giving off good vibrations. What’s that? Yes, I am ripped aren’t I, thank you for noticing.
Chef Smurf
The Actor: Famous for agreeing to appear in anything he’s offered, as roles in Click and Gigli attest to.
Why He's Perfect For the Role: Everyone loves Christopher Walken, and his idiosyncratic delivery will brighten up the Smurfiest of films.
Ease Of Smurfing: He'll do all his own make-up, so don’t worry about it.
Sample Dialogue: “Papa Smurf gave me this recipe. I hid this uncomfortable laminated card in my ass for two years. And now, little Smurf, I give this recipe to you.”
Papa Smurf
The Actor: The good Doc (as played by Billy Crudup in Watchmen ) is an apathetic nihilist know-it-all who ventures off to create his own life.
Why He's Perfect For the Role: Well he does know everything - just like Papa Smurf! He can also change size at will, meaning he won’t eat into the effects budget.
Ease Of Smurfing: He’s already blue. Bonus. Though he might need persuading to wear pants - nobody needs to see “Downtown Manhattan” again.
Sample Dialogue: “We’re all Smurfs. I’m just a Smurf who can see the strings.”
