Halloween 5 (1989)
The Ending: With Michael Myers locked in a cell at the sheriff’s station, a mysterious black figure storms in, kills everyone and busts him out. No further explanation offered.
If It Had Made Sense: We’d have received some information about who exactly this shadowy figure is. Instead, we have to wait until about halfway through the next film!
Hide And Seek (2005)
The Ending: Robert De Niro is revealed to have developed a very specific type of schizophrenia, which has not only managed to hide the murder of his wife from himself, but also from the authorities. It can happen…
If It Had Made Sense: He’d have been a straightforward psychotic, rather than a thoroughly nice man for the majority of the film.
The Birds (1963)
The Ending: You could argue that the way the birds silently watch the survivors drive off into the distance is symbolic of their ultimate triumph, but still… wouldn’t they attack anyway?
If It Had Made Sense: At least a couple of them would have dived in for a peck!
War Of The Worlds (2005)
The Ending: Despite the ferocity of the hilltop massacre, young Robbie is revealed to have somehow survived at the film’s close. A prime example of Spielberg sentimentalism gone too far.
If It Had Made Sense: He would have died, as we had pretty much assumed he had. A bizarre piece of resurrection from the Beard.
April Fools Day (1986)
The Ending: All those murders you think you’ve been watching? They were all part of a ludicrously elaborate April Fool’s Day prank. Ha-ha. HA-HA-HA!
If It Had Made Sense: A real killer would probably fit the bill here.
It (1990)
The Ending: A real fumble, as the genuinely terrifying Pennywise is replaced by a laughable giant spider. Illogical in that swapping out the freaky clown for a shonky looking beastie did nothing for the fear factor.
If It Had Made Sense: We’d have stuck with the clown. Make him giant if you have to!
Vanilla Sky (2001)
The Ending: Tom Cruise discovers that all the weird stuff that’s been happening to him over the film’s run-time can be put down to glitches within the cryogenic sleep programme he’s been in for the last 150 years. Ohhhh.
If It Had Made Sense: He’d have realised he was dead and in limbo. Would have been less jarring…
The Last House On The Left (2009)
The Ending: Instead of simply smashing Krug’s brains in, the survivors concoct an elaborate plot in which they paralyse him from the waist down and then leave his head to cook in a microwave. As you do.
If It Had Made Sense: They’d have just shot him. You know, because they’re not total nutjobs.
Radio Flyer (1992)
The Ending: Joseph Mazzello manages to escape the attentions of his abusive father by flying away in his Radio Flyer. That’s it kids, just fantasize your way to freedom!
If It Had Made Sense: Are we to assume that he kills himself? It certainly makes more sense, but good Lord it’s bleak!
The Descent pt. 2 (2009)
The Ending: Elen escapes from the cave, only for a wrinkly old redneck to paste her with a shovel and chuck her back down. Who knows why he does it, so long as the trademark “downer ending” remains intact.
If It Had Made Sense: Just go with the dream ending again. It might be a cop out, but at least a trauma-based hallucination is plausible.
