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Every Friday
GamesRadar+
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SFX
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Space Nazis
Umbrella Corp.
The Film: Resident Evil: Retribution
The Villain: Umbrella’s T-Virus has now turned the majority of the global populace into flesh-eating maniacs, and they’ve even had the front to kidnap the lovely Alice, imprisoning her in one of their operations centres. Thankfully, she doesn’t stay banged-up for long…
How Scary: They’ve turned nearly all of the world’s population into zombies… if that doesn’t scare you, nothing will.
Osama Bin Laden
The Film: Kill Bin Laden
The Villain: The cave-dwelling Al Quaeda kingpin will be the subject of a new thriller from Kathryn Bigelow, which will chart the Navy SEAL operation that brought about the terrorist’s demise.
How Scary: Very real, and thus very scary. Although as the hunted party, he’ll make for an unconventional movie villain…
Caledon Hockley
As Seen In: Titanic 3D
The Villain: Billy Zane is on excellently snivelling form as cowardly upper-class bounder Caledon Hockley, narrowly edging out the iceberg as the film’s chief villain. No wonder Rose can’t wait to get shot of him…
How Scary: Not remotely, but utterly contemptible nonetheless. It’s a crying shame he doesn’t end up in the drink…
The Jester
As Seen In: Dorothy of Oz
The Villain: Oz is under threat from a new villain in this new animated musical, a cackling Jester with plans to rule the magical land. He’ll be going up against Dorothy and a new trio of oddballs, consisting of a marshmallow man, a china doll and a tug boat. Okaaaay.
How Scary: Given that the villains of Oz are uniformly a frightening bunch, we’ll stick our necks out and say very!
Things That Go Bump In The Night
The Film: Paranormal Activity 4
The Villain: We’re not sure how the series signature demonic forces will manifest themselves this time around, but some poor soul is going to attempt to catch it all on camera one more time. Perhaps it’d be better just to move house?
How Scary: Invariably terrifying. No matter how cynically we’d like to approach this series, it never fails to get us jumping!
The Bogeyman
The Film: Rise Of The Guardians
The Villain: The Bogeyman (or Pitch the Nightmare King to give him his full title) is planning to plunge the world into eternal darkness, unless Santas Claus, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Frosty can put a stop to his fiendish plot. Fingers crossed.
How Scary: Given that he’s voiced by Jude Law, we’re dubious as to just how spine-chilling the Bogeyman can really be.
Hydell
The Film: Lockout
The Villain: Misfits star Joseph Gilgun adopts a thick Scottish brogue to play lunatic-in-chief in Lockout ’s over-run space prison. If only there were a grizzled badass who could be persuaded to attempt to restore order up there…
How Scary: As terrifying as closing time in Glasgow.
Black Bellamy
The Film: The Pirates! Band Of Misfits
The Villain: Jeremy Piven brings his trademark sneer to proceedings as Pirate Captain’s sworn enemy Black Bellamy, a treacherous scoundrel determined to beat our hero to the coveted title of Pirate of the Year.
How Scary: More sneaky than scary, particularly in comparison to the film’s real Big Bad (more on her, later…)
The Piranhas
The Film: Piranha 3DD
The Villain: Those flesh-eating fish are back for a second helping, where they’ll be hoping to take a bite out of David Hasselhoff’s grizzled old carcass before moving on to Gary Busey for dessert. There’s no accounting for taste…
How Scary: Anyone who’s seen the penis scene from the first movie can vouch for the fear factor.
