5 inner monologues from the characters introduced in the new Yooka-Laylee trailer

I'm gonna be honest: I'm not sure if I find the character designs for Playtonic's Yooka-Laylee endearing or horrifying. While our heroes Yooka and Laylee are inarguably adorbs, the rest of the cast introduced in a new trailer are just the teensiest bit… unsettling. Take a look and see if you don't agree with me:

None of these flesh golems has any proper voice acting - which is to say they all speak in gibberish, with their multitude of screeches translated into text bubbles - so I thought it would be fun to dive deep into their psyches and see what they're really thinking.

"My name is a euphemism for a penis. What do you think junior high was like? I hate my parents."

"Like Jeff Goldblum in The Fly, I have become a hideous fusion of man and animal - an unholy abomination. Kill me, and end my torment."

"Once, I was a strong miner. Now my soul is cursed to forever ride the rails I helped construct. Gaze upon my visage and know fear."

"A strong breeze will scatter my body like grains of sand in the desert. Every moment pierces me with existential dread."

"I will be in every indie game and there's not a damn thing you can do to stop me."

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