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Supergirl
G-Girl
The Crimefighter: No, not a stuttering monarch, but Jenny Johnson, just your run of the mill American who likes to fight crime in her spare time.
The Costume: New York chic. G-Girl may be a super-chick, but that doesn’t mean she has to sacrifice style for the sake of lycra.
Lamest Feature: What’s with the over-sized bonce-warmer? It’s not like she’s working in Russia or anything.
Daredevil
The Crimefighter: Matt Murdock, a blind lawyer who becomes a masked crimefighter thanks to a little toxic waste (hint: don’t try that at home).
The Costume: Red leather, figure hugging, sort of shiny. Probably squeaks when he walks.
Lamest Feature: The mask itself is close to the comics, but on Ben Affleck it just looks wrong. This hero should be renamed The Chin.
The Punisher
The Crimefighter: Vigilante Frank Castle, the city’s most wanted man. He lives in the sewers and fights crime. Nobody ever said being a superhero was glamorous (shut up Bruce Wayne).
The Costume: Black. Like, lots of black. Black T-shirt. Black trousers. Black straps. At least he has muscles for knocking out those who tell him he looks lame.
Lamest Feature: Is this guy even trying? Sure it’s a back to basics, he’s-so-bad-ass-he-just-threw-on-the-nearest-black-thing concoction. But Punisher still gets an F for effort.
Condor Man
The Crimefighter: Comic book illustrator Woodrow Wilkins, who makes it his mission to track down a nasty female Soviet KGB agent.
The Costume: A feathery affair comprised of skin-tight bodysuit (naturally), silly little black pants, and bright yellow boots. This guy needs a personal stylist, pronto.
Lamest Feature: The wingspan may be impressive, but that cumbersome apparatus will surely get in the way of ass-kicking. Right?
The Crow
The Crimefighter: Jimmy Cuervo, murdered along with his girlfriend by a group of Satanists. When he’s resurrected by a crow, he’s, uh, dead set on getting revenge.
The Costume: Lots of black again, this time paired with scare-hair and a frightful load of white facepaint.
Lamest Feature: Anything from the neck up or the neck down. Though Cuervo’s clearly going for scary clown with that facepaint, he comes off more as an off-his-tits mosher.
Meteor Man
The Crimefighter: School teacher Jefferson Reed. When he’s hit by a meteorite, he should turn into a gooey mess. Instead, he becomes Meteor Man, crimefighter extraordinaire.
The Costume: A bulky grey thing with a truly horrible chest logo. Plus a cape that Darth Vader would be proud of.
Lamest Feature: The crappy fake abs – we all know he's holding in a giant gut under all that plastic.
Ghost Rider
The Crimefighter: Fearless stunt motorcyclist Johnny Blaze.
The Costume: A regular black-leather biker dude outfit. With fiery skull for added oomph.
Lamest Feature: The CGI skull is all kinds of computer-animated horrible.
Steel
The Crimefighter: John Henry Irons, a weapons designer who develops gadgets for the government. Including protective armour for the military.
The Costume: Metallic. Sort of reminds us of The Man In The Iron Mask , except not as cool.
Lamest Feature: Iron Man he ain’t. This metallic suit comes with a giant metal bib – just in case meal time gets messy.
The Human Spider
The Crimefighter: Lame-o nerd Peter Parker. He gets bitten by a suped-up spider, which in turn supes him up. And gives him pecs to die for.
The Costume: A bargain basement pyjama concoction that Parker puts on to enter the wrestling ring and earn a quick buck.
Lamest Feature: That crummy name, actually. “That's it? That's the best you've got?” No wonder Bruce Campbell changed it to The Amazing Spider-Man. Bruce knows best.
