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61. Most clothing never needs to be washed, cannot be damaged in any way, and won’t create awkward stares if you wear the same outfit every day.
62. Hypothermia is a medical hoax. Go ahead and wear short-shorts in Antarctica.
63. It’s possible to climb a ladder without using your arms. This is especially useful if you are carrying a huge gun.
64. Armies of every era have required their soldiers to be telepathic so they can respond to orders instantly and move in large groups with perfect simultaneous coordination.
65. Still, a single highly-trained telepathic soldier sometimes just cannot figure out how to get from point A to B, despite having a pretty damn clear path.
66. Nobody in the world actually mourns a loved one’s death for more than ten seconds.
67. Strangely, though, for some reason studies have shown revenge for a loved one’s death to be the number-one motivation for the epidemic of one-man killing sprees plaguing mankind.
68. Your arms will never get tired even if you hold a Gatling gun perfectly straight out in front of you for hours on end.
69. In the future, soldiers will be sent into combat situations without a way to clip a light onto their gun, helmet, or any other hands-free device. Also, duct tape will be eradicated from existence some time earlier.
70. Successfully catching a fish doesn’t take NEARLY as long as everyone claims.
71. Most cars actually require no gas at all.
72. If you are ever in a situation where you have to help someone escape danger, take a deep breath and try to resist becoming angry at this person. A psychological phenomenon known as IDS, or “Idiocy in Danger Syndrome” reduces anyone to total incompetence in such a situation, no matter how intelligent they appear to be.
73. For reasons scientist have still failed to explain, it’s possible to jump off of pure air, but only once after initially jumping off the ground.
74. World War II was not won by numerous countries coordinating attacks across the globe, but rather by a single jack-hole with a gun. Said jack-hole’s identity varies depending on the source.
75. Carrying around 200 lbs of weight will not hinder you at all. However, carrying 201 lbs will prevent you from moving an inch.
76. Sometimes the recently departed are prone to seizures if their bodies happen to be touching walls or other objects.
77. It’s possible that while looking at surfaces from certain angles, huge portions may suddenly stretch, flicker, or jiggle. STAY CALM. You are not on drugs.
78. If you’re participating in an illegal street race and you don’t do well, all of your opponents don’t mind racing again and again so that you can eventually win.
79. If you are a security guard and all of your fellow guards disappear, it is perfectly fine to search for an intruder for thirty seconds, then return to your normal search route, on your own, at midnight, while you know a murderer is on the loose and has been sighted within 5 meters of you in the last few minutes.
80. If you’re ever hard up for cash, just go cut down any tall grass you see.
