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63 comments

  • Amnesiac - January 25, 2009 7:24 p.m.

    Also, the fact that the phrase "pillow talk" has not come up yet astounds me.
  • Johnnycakes - January 25, 2009 4:02 p.m.

    Or i would use it to block up that draft in my living room
  • coliojr - January 25, 2009 6:01 a.m.

    First I would get to know her a little bit better, than I would eventually ask her over to my house just to hang out. While at my house we would listen to some music, get some more gamerscore in farcry 2, and take turns reading some of the new articles on games radar, and then check back 5 minuets later to see if a new one is up. Later in the evening I had gathered up some courage to make my way to 2nd base. From that point on we would be best friends forever.
  • tysr36 - January 25, 2009 5:46 a.m.

    I would treat the pillow with love and respect, you know how a pillow is supposed to be treated. I would not be abusive to the pillow, and last I would never cheat on said pillow.
  • ILiekChez - January 25, 2009 3:34 a.m.

    sry but add on to showing it off to my friends in public, dating it, telling everyone she's the love of my life, play ps3 and wii with her and let her win. Also set up life savings in case i die she'll be rich, i'd marry it, have little pillow kids, grow old with it and imagine how little i've done in my life, watch my little pillows grow up and have grand pillow. Retire to a bed/ furiture store and die,me holding the pillow i love. Finally put on my tombstone " Here lies a man and a pillow, the only one filled with cotton and completes me" then goes to pillow heaven..the end (hope i win >_<)
  • dweller - January 25, 2009 3:17 a.m.

    When our eyes met across the room, I knew she was not like other pillows. She was a REAL lady. So much softer and more inviting than the rest. I must admit I've been hurt by other pillows in the past. But now I think I'm ready to love again. I think that Jacqli can make me whole again. To show my affection I set off fireworks that say "Jacqli" in the night sky. As she stared at the spectacle I offered a bouquet of black roses to her pillowy self. I led her to a country clubhouse adorned with balloons of alternating red and black. Inside there waited a snowy cake majestically emblazoned with crimson roses. But really all I wanted to do was watch the sunset with her propped up against me. Where she would hear my heart beat against her cotton. Everyday would fade into the next with sweet pillow talk.
  • lava_lamp - January 24, 2009 10:49 p.m.

    i wouldn't want it i mean think about it you bring some chick into your room and shes see that pillow she would be turned off pretty fast
  • stoogeman - January 24, 2009 8:13 p.m.

    I will treat her right and respect her.I will do anything for her.I take her to the best place in town.I would comfort her cherish her forever.When shes sad Ill be there for her.I'll listen to her every word.What ever she wishes she will get.And no matter what I will be there for her always.
  • seequer - January 24, 2009 5:42 a.m.

    I would build a magnificent fort to protect her from my sister's cat. It's the least I could do.
  • PinkLenny - January 24, 2009 4:30 a.m.

    I would let her smoke my weed and play my video games. which is more than i can say for anyone else. She would never leave the house because i wouldn't want her to get dirty. My house is of coures infel phira dependency free. Finally and most importantly i am the only one here who isn't going to have sex with it
  • its_aco - January 24, 2009 4:11 a.m.

    i would introduse her to my parents then have her sit on the couch while i go outside for firewood then build her a fire in the fire place while laying down for a romantic cuddle
  • RazorBladeDream - January 24, 2009 1:29 a.m.

    Oh what a lovely sight she is to behold. Words could possibly not describe how I would take care of such a lovely pillow. I know I would take most excellent care of such a delicate flower. My fiancee' may get jealous from the added attention that my lovely Jacqli would receive. I would make sure she would have the finest linens to have her sweet slumbers upon every night. I would hold her every night and whisper words of scholars, poets, dreamers and lovers into her side stitching. I would hold her tight but not too tight, but enough to know that she is loved. I would awake her every morning with a tight squeeze and bring her with me as I would prepare a fabulous breakfast for myself. Of course she would only eat the finest and freshest of fruits and the most delicate of eggs and turkey bacon. During the day I would have her sit next to me as I did my online school work and take her on car rides with me as I take my fiancee' to work. We would then spend some time at the beach and watch the waves tell us the perils of the ocean and the romances it has witnessed in her long and storied history. For dinner I would take her out on the town to a lovely out of the way restaurant where we would just spend the rest of the night discussing our plans for each other, dreams and aspirations. We would then come home and play games until we got sleepy. Then I would get her ready for bed and we would fall asleep together, in love and stuffed. I'd also make sure my welsh corgi would not go near my precious little angel. She is worth more than any form of riches the world has to offer. She IS the world to me and she is the perfect companion to my life.
  • TheSuburbiaRuins - January 24, 2009 12:03 a.m.

    She love me and I love her! We live together forever, And I marry her. I take care of her, and she sleep with me. We love each other every night, and I hold her hair her back when she throw up in toilet. She love me and I love her, and we be together forever. I love her.
  • chaosxs - January 23, 2009 10:37 p.m.

    i would huggle the pillow, and bring it with me to every game convention and hug it the whole time
  • epsilon7466Mk2 - January 23, 2009 8:53 p.m.

    I would first take her out of that horrible package and ask her if she where ok, then I would take her to my room and place her on my bed while we relaxed and got to know each other better, and on the TV would be one of those DVD's that show a fireplace. Then after a while we would play a few game and watch a few animes, ad when it's time for bed we will lay down and i will throw the blanket over the both of us and hold her in my arms till be both fell asleep.
  • DontPanic - January 23, 2009 7:30 p.m.

    Upon arrival in her first class limousine of a FedEx box (Oh yeah, I so sprung for the upgrade) I would run (in slow motion of course) to her side, pick her up by her non existent pillowy appendages and swing her lovingly in the air a few times (still slow-mo). After a few eskimo and oh what the hell butterfly kisses I'd gracefully show her to her chariot (a 1992 Ford Taurus of course). On the way home I would ask her how the trip was, offer her a cool refreshing bottle of Dasani water (only the best) or perhaps a 7 and 7 (your liquor laws cant hold me!!!). We'd talk, laugh and most likely cry for awhile and then head into her new castle (a 700 sq ft apartment). Upon seeing my wife I estimate it could get tense but I'd simply introduce them lock my wife in her cage (where she should have been in the first place damnit) and let Jacqli savor the sweet smell of Filet Mignon searing on the stove. Being the gentleman I am I would no doubt whimsically input the second season of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia into the PS3 for her to enjoy while dinner was being prepared. Ready for anything (as I always am) I'd ask "Which side would you prefer" and let her choose from fresh asparagus picked that morning, rosemary cheddar scalloped red potatoes or Kraft Macaroni and cheese. No doubt she'd intently point to the Mac and I would take it upon myself to begin boiling 8 cups of water. Now with the aroma of processed powdered cheese filling the room I'd make my move. Pour us both a nice glass of henessy (I sware to god I don't use roofies anymore) and snuggle up next to her on the couch. With a deep and somber "Mind if I get the remote" I'd look into her silk screened eyes and move in.... Remote in hand I'd proceed to watch the new episode of How It's Made, get stone drunk and puke for anywhere between 5 and 25 minutes. Upon realizing the food is burning I'd rush to the kitchen, complete my masterpiece of a meal and invite her to an elequently set dining table. My wife would probably be screaming and making all sorts of racket but I think on my feet; after I deliver the bucket of fish heads it's down to business. At this point I can only assume her cringes and gastrointestinal cries for help means she loves it. I offer her seconds and she politely refuses..... And then............. I sit, wondering WHY THE FUCK I just covered my new pillow in Mac & Cheese, I really need to lay off the PCP. Thank you, vote Dont Panic for Pillow winner!
  • zymn - January 23, 2009 12:14 p.m.

    i'd buy here tea and crumpets. whatever the hell crumpets are... oh, fuck that. i'm in the usa for gods sakes. i'd take her to a strip club. with male strippers. and let her get whatever the hell they give you in those places. not that i'd know. *cough* moving along...
  • Vynne - January 23, 2009 8:15 a.m.

    Jacqli deserves much more than I could ever provide, but it wouldn't stop me from trying. I'd buy her her own blanket. I'd look for one with a rose pattern and black lace frill. Nothing overly complicated, though. A pillow, too. I can't afford a bed, but I can sleep on the couch. She must be shown respect due her from a gentleman. While I would love to cook for her, she needs a seamstress over a chef. I would find suitable cloth-made foods so that at the dinner table, she would not feel left out. Shopping around, I could find removable decals that she would enjoy and art she would enjoy seeing for the wall. The art would need to convey a soft sadness and soothing shadow. We would watch some tv together now and again. I wonder how she would enjoy paranormal reality shows such as Ghost Hunters. I think she'd also be quite pleased to listen to Nightwish music with me. Somehow, that music seems it would fit her. It would not be the only music, but I think it would be one of our favorites. She'd sit beside me as I struggle with my graphic design projects, offering quiet inspiration. Her cute smile would encourage me when I was frustrated and tense. I would always thank her with sincerity for her help. I would keep her off the floor and away from anything that would make her dirty. When we go outside on the porch to watch the sunset, I would bring out the chair I have especially for her that would always be clean. Not a day would go by that I wouldn't offer her sincere compliments on her beauty and personality. I also know the value of silence and simply being near. Jacqli, even the angels are jealous of your brilliance . . .
  • CuddlyBomber - January 23, 2009 6:12 a.m.

    I will break into my girlfriends house (out of love) and place her (the pillow) on her bed. We (being me and the pillow) will then proceed to wait for my girlfriend to return home. When she finally enters the house and I explain why there is a broken window, we (me, the sexy sexy pillow and my just as sexy (if not more) sexy girlfriend) will then be magically transported to Paris where we will dine atop the *ahem* Tour D'Eifel (Pillows love French). The food will be comprised of the finest cuisine in all of France. We will finish of this madgical evening By simply watching the stars. I will then give my girlfriend to Jacqli and they will be best friends forever. Hey, wait, where did these tears come from?
  • Z-man427 - January 23, 2009 5:58 a.m.

    I'll let my dog sleep on it. except I don't have a dog. ah hell...

Showing 41-60 of 63 comments

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