Why books are rubbish and films are brilliant

Books = words. Films = explosions. You do the maths…

Burn After Reading is in cinemas this Friday so we thought we’d celebrate by burning every single book we own in a ritualistic sacrifice to the gods of cinema. Why? Because books are rubbish compared to films. Here’s why.

7. You can’t read a gun fight.



Book version:

The Terminator shot at a load of cops and cars and stuff. BUT HE DIDN’T KILL ANYONE. Then he walked away and loads of them shot him in the back. It was brilliant. If only you could’ve seen it. Seriously, it really was exciting.

Film version:




6. You haven’t heard of Nothing Lasts Forever. You have heard of Die Hard.



Hands up who knew that Die Hard was a book first .

Okay, everyone in the room with their hands down, take a moment to curl those hands into fists and knock out the person next to you with their hand up, because they are liars and it’s what John McClane would want you to do.

Now we’ve got rid of them, let’s allow our minds to boggle at the fact that the high-concept ‘man gets trapped in building with terrorists’ wasn’t written on the back of a matchbox, but over the course of 188 pages.

That is a lot of pages when all you’re really doing is describing someone walking across glass and shooting people.

5. We’d rather see a lesbian kiss than read about it.



Book version: Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair kissed. It was pretty hot.

Film version: