Which Resident Evil hero is best dressed for a zombie apocalypse?

What would be the best thing to wear to a zombie apocalypse? Would we go for the bullet-proof vest (but zombies don't have guns!)? Or the side-split evening gown (too much leg for the undead!)?

It's quite the wardrobe conundrum. So, to help plan the perfect Judgment Day outfit, we thought we'd look at Resident Evil's professionals to see which of them would be best dressed to survive a real-life zombie apocalypse. Read on. It could save your life.

The look: Douche bag's girlfriend

Well equipped for the zombie apocalypse?
We admire Jill for not letting something as intrusive as an outbreak of zombie flesh eaters dictate her wardrobe choices. That said, the boob tube and mini skirt combo doesn't exactly say "zombie apocalypse survivor". Unless she's planning on cock-teasing them all to death. But thank God she's had the sense of mind to pull the outfit together with a casually tied contingency sweater. We hear Raccoon City can get bitterly cold of an evening.

The look: David Bowie piloting the Memphis Belle

Well equipped for the zombie apocalypse?
In terms of apparel, Leon is perfectly kitted out. Durable leather bomber jacket. Discrete leg-holster. Tight-fitting vest for minimal chafing. Teflon-treated trousers with roomy cargo pockets. Anti-blister, extra-grip leather fingerless gloves. Heavy-duty water-resistant walking boots. It's all there. Now all he needs is to cut off the wanky philosophy-student fringe so he can see any parasite-carrying peasants before they stab him with a pitchfork.

The look: Pre-pubescent tom boy

Well equipped for the zombie apocalypse?
Yes, she's wearing a medic-issue bulletproof vest. Yes, she's got a bum bag which is probably full of useful supplies. And, yes, she's more practically attired than Ada Wong or Jill Valentine. But she's still got the look of a woman that could barely navigate the discomfort of a heavy period let alone survive the myriad horrors associated with the resurrection of the dead.

The look: Rick Astley at an Action Man party

Well equipped for the zombie apocalypse?
He might be wearing the right kind of gear, but this pre-beefcake version of a very wet-behind-the-ears Chris still looks horribly ill-prepared for the zombie Armageddon. The crease-free combat trousers, pristine flak jacket, shiny boots and carefully groomed hair give the impression that he'd be more comfortable choosing skin moisturisers than combating deadly mutagens.

The look: Out-of-our-price-bracket Shanghai hooker

Well equipped for the zombie apocalypse?
As far as we know, harnessing the power of sexy as a weapon against brain dead crazies is ineffectual. They are, unfortunately, impervious to the lure of seduction. So anyone dressing for World War Zombie in an elegant side-split evening gown, choker and high heels would have to be certifiably mental. Or commendably unwilling to dress down regardless of humanity's impending final judgement.


  • Demonflare - June 13, 2009 3:15 p.m.

    Hahaha! I luv the comments the zombies make!
  • Phantasmagorical - March 14, 2009 10:43 a.m.

    Most assuredly anything that comes from Japan will have inane, inappropriate clothing and hairstyle. But why not? We're talking about a game, after all. It's just far more entertaining to watch a girly man with spiky hair running around in a sash and baggy pants than some normal looking guy in combat-gear. Besides... you DON'T want to be wearing a helmet in any action/shooter game, because you're just asking to die a horrible death.
  • shadowleon - March 14, 2009 2:43 a.m.

    Sexy safari is an understatement more like godes of the safari
  • iluvmyDS - March 12, 2009 10:29 p.m.

    Either the "mummy" thing is just British slang or a terrible pun.
  • StAnger - March 12, 2009 9:08 p.m.

    Douche bag's girlfriend XD. Hilarious article!
  • Ensoul - March 12, 2009 4:11 a.m.

    What about Tofu? He's made of Tofu. Zombies don't eat Tofu (as far as I know); he'd be invincible. Otherwise a fine account of who to emulate if/when the Zombies come.
  • NelosAngelos - March 12, 2009 2:28 a.m.

    Mmmmm sexy burger. Seriously Ada, you're turning heads for all the wrong reasons. I think I'd be pretty ok for a zombie outbreak, thick fabric cargo pants, steel toed boots, knitted fingerless gloves. I'd just need to change my shirt and probably put on my trench coat...if I can get past the risk of ruining it during Z-Day
  • Stabby_Joe - March 12, 2009 1 a.m.

    Mmmm... Jill Sandwich...
  • TheNinja - March 12, 2009 12:36 a.m.

    i never thought an article about zombies could have the word sexy in it so many times.
  • Defguru7777 - March 11, 2009 11:52 p.m.

    "Unemployed fork-lift driver" was my favorite.
  • Nitemarish - March 11, 2009 11:17 p.m.

    "She's got a tattoo, enough cowhide to make an entire cow, impeccable bone structure and an enormous f***king gun." ROFL
  • Ravenbom - March 11, 2009 10:57 p.m.

    "David Bowie piloting the Memphis Belle" QFT!
  • Cwf2008 - March 11, 2009 10:38 p.m.

    Some of the pictures are messed up. And hilarious article
  • Hobojedi - March 11, 2009 10:14 p.m.

    I would think Ada Wong would just trip when running away.
  • Prettyboy16 - August 18, 2009 2:59 p.m.

    nuclear muscles haha hellya
  • nitrocole - March 15, 2009 7:09 a.m.

    Funny article! I loled at the "extreme carpet filter"
  • theneptunesfan - March 15, 2009 12:02 a.m.

    I actually thought that Claire's outfit (those tight jeans) on Resident Evil: Code Veronica was very exceptional.
  • Sonneilon - March 14, 2009 7:24 p.m.

    That was a fun article. I liked the Chris Refield's NUKES in his bicep thang!
  • theschwartzb - March 14, 2009 3:47 p.m.

    rofl "Zombie am scared of giant." you guys make a shitty day seem better
  • jedibluerinse87 - March 13, 2009 5:38 p.m.

    "zombie am scared of giant." lmao

Showing 1-20 of 34 comments

Join the Discussion
Add a comment (HTML tags are not allowed.)
Characters remaining: 5000