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The Top 7... enemies that scuttle and jump at your face

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The Facehuggers from the Alien films are the archetypal enemies that scuttle and jump at your face. If these scuttling, jumping-at-your-face enemies had never been invented, video games would probably have 100% less scuttling enemies launching themselves in the general direction of your face area. Thankfully, not all the gaming imitations of these baby xenomorphs insert an embryo-laying proboscis down a protagonist's throat. Which just seems intrusive and not very hygienic. And a bit like perverted alien sex.

Look - a scientific diagram:

Here's a list consisting of seven enemies that scuttle and jump at your face. (But deliberately not including Facehuggers because they were made in movie land. Not game land).


7. Pregnators | Duke Nukem Forever

For all of Duke Nukem Forever’s multiple faults, for all of its titular character’s lumpen-headed galootishness, there’s only one area in the game that’s really downright unpleasant. Crudeness, you see, cannot possibly be truly offensive if it’s executed with knowing intent. Things with an ‘offensive’ tone only really become a problem if they’re done callously or without self-awareness. Most of Duke Nukem Forever is a case of the former. During 'The Hive' however, it sadly becomes very much the latter. And that’s mostly down to these little f*ckers.

Where Alien's Facehuggers, much like a lot of H.R. Giger designs, are creepy because of the subtly sexual connotations of their form and functionality, DNF’s Pregnators miss the point completely and go full-on genital-o-rama without a shadow of a hint of a soupcon of subtlety. Basically, they're a cock-and-balls on legs. They even spit white goo at you as a missile attack. You know, just generic white goo. Could be anything.

Could be, but it’s probably spunk.

Above: Yeah, it's an achievement of sorts, though one normally celebrated in the porn industry

Their narrative function? Filling Earth women with alien baby. Where Facehuggers hint at unpleasant sexual practices via allusion, Pregnators just get on with them. The actual impregnating process is never shown in the game, mercifully, but this concept art (which we're not going to post on the site) makes it very clear what these fellas are all about.

Makes the tentacle-cock face-thrashing they sometimes give Duke seem rather tame in comparison, doesn’t it?


6. Leapers | Resistance

Man alive these things are ugly. We mean, generally speaking, collectively, as a species, the Chimera aren't going to win any beauty contests. At least not in our Solar System. And Leapers are possibly the most butt-ugly of all the multi-eyed Chimerians. We doubt that even Disney with all its mastery in the arts of sugary cutefication could make a Leaper look lovable. Here's what a Leaper might look like before and after being Disneyfied:

Above: It's even singing a song. Regardless, it's still less appealing than a Styrofoam cup full of day old tramp mucus

In addition to being scuttly and possessing a tendency to jump at your face, Leapers also have the dubious honour of being one of the few video game 'characters' that have officially offended God. When the big man in the clouds found out that Manchester Cathedral was used as a shooting gallery in the first Resistance, lo he was pissed and sent a memo to his underlings, who subsequently cast fire and brimstone and claims of copyright infringement in the direction of Sony. The following video shows Leapers desecrating Manchester Cathedral. Ugly and sacrilegious. 

And there's even more ungodliness. If a Leaper has a nibble on someone that hasn't had the necessary vaccination, there's a good chance they'll turn into a Chimera. Just like vampires. Not soppy good-looking vampires for little girls to cry about. But proper evil vampires that want to eat your entire face off. Apparently, if you feel hot and have a craving for raw meat, you're infected and will be imminently turning into a Chimera. Either that or you're Jeffrey Dahmer burning in Hell.

Next page: Even more enemies that scuttle and jump at your face!

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39 comments

  • rxb - November 24, 2011 4:58 a.m.

    'Like a think shake' Great
  • snothammer - November 18, 2011 12:25 a.m.

    The Dahmer joke was incredible, by the way. Very nice timing and delivery, I must say.
  • BladeBlur - November 16, 2011 1:34 a.m.

    Good choice... though the Metroids deserve a spot. I remember being scared about a decade ago when one of those just jumped at me and blocked my vision during a platforming segment :|
  • Bossco - November 15, 2011 11:59 p.m.

    Haha scuttle!
  • LiaraLoveSlave - November 15, 2011 11:52 a.m.

    Very entertaining as usual GRUK. Also, that anatomically correct Weyland-Yutani diagram is sweet, where did you find it?
  • avantguardian - November 15, 2011 midnight

    masterful work, cundy. you seem truly inspired for this one.
  • ThatFanInThePeacoat - November 14, 2011 11:49 p.m.

    Great article! The top 3 were chosen so perfectly!
  • vortigauntSKUL - November 14, 2011 8:19 p.m.

    Best article in a while :)
  • Yeager1122 - November 14, 2011 5:53 p.m.

    Will always hate the flood.
  • tareq - November 14, 2011 4:51 p.m.

    Ah the UK side of GR. never disappoints
  • D0CCON - November 14, 2011 2:14 p.m.

    One reason I'd choose being human over an infection flood is that a single bullet can take out about 20 of them. One bullet makes one enemy explode and it looks like their exploded bits kill their friends. That doesn't imply a lot of strength if you are killed by a single piece of detached flesh.
  • EwoksTasteLikeChicken - November 14, 2011 1:41 p.m.

    God I love you UK guys.
  • CH3BURASHKA - November 14, 2011 1:15 p.m.

    Listening to that black headcrab sound compilation is probably the most I've been disgusted in my entire life. Headphones didn't help much; I'm now absolutely terrified. 'Motile' is basically a synonym for 'mobile', but for whatever reason, it sounds much more disgusting and alien. It's probably because that sci-fi book Brett recommended way back references the antagonist alien species as a motile. Ugh. This is what I love about the GR Top 7's: take a random occurrence in video games, look for 6 more similar ones. I don't take to the "Top 7 Games of 2011 So Far" compilations and their analogs - I like GR when they're at their craziest.
  • Y2Ken - November 14, 2011 1:14 p.m.

    I love it when I can tell who wrote an article from a specific wording or phrase in the middle of it. Case in point: "suck up life energy like a thick shake". Only one man (or perhaps group of men) would make that reference. Also yeah that Duke concept art is hella weird.
  • J-spit - November 14, 2011 1:37 p.m.

    I felt weird looking at it....not bad weird either. My humanity is in question.
  • RedHarlow - November 14, 2011 12:21 p.m.

    I think you mean Fast and Poision Headcrabs. Black Headcrabs ARE the poisionous ones.
  • archnite - November 14, 2011 12:57 p.m.

    Just the picture of the Black Crab made me jump a bit in my chair, those things seriously freak me the fuck out. Also that Duke Nukem concept art is horrifying, is that what 3d Realms spent so much time on, henti?
  • CaptCOMMANDO - November 14, 2011 11:59 a.m.

    Great article! Love it Love it Love it!
  • 510BrotherPanda - November 14, 2011 11:34 a.m.

    Also, the entry about Swarmers is wrong: Chestbursters burst from chests, not Facehuggers...
  • 510BrotherPanda - November 14, 2011 11:15 a.m.

    I don't like that there are no Metroids in this article, just because they don't have LEGS... They pre-date ALL of these entries, and were really based off of the Facehuggers...

Showing 1-20 of 39 comments

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