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The Top 7... least extreme "extreme" games

The word “extreme” has been reduced to a mere excuse to highlight the letter ‘x,’ the reigning king of all letters. Just look at it, crossing out all the shit you did on your to-do list, always telling you where treasure and porn are. In fact, marketing schmucks love it so much, they figure it should never be anything but the first letter of a word.

Xtreme! Xtra! Xplosion! Xtra Xtreme Xplosion XXX! XXXXXXXXXX DEAR GOD STOP OMITTING VOWELS.

But “extreme” itself no longer means anything at all, not since some asshole started attaching it to every sport which involves doing tricks. No, eXtremeness is a mindset. The mindset that if the word is underlined with a big red stroke and slapped diagonally onto a box, a certain demographic will go ape shit and shoot magic money beams out of their eyes. Is there actually anything extreme about games labeled as such? No, and as proof, we’ve dissected seven of the worst Xamples.

7. Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball

The marketing definition of “extreme”: Boobs.

The reality: Busty women playing volleyball, a sport which is right up there with badminton and tennis in extremeness – everyone talks about what a physically challenging sport it is, but no one really gives a shit.

If it were actually extreme: It would be topless, and not a videogame. Either that, or the beach would be Omaha Beach and the year 1944.

6. AMF Xtreme Bowling

The marketing definition of “extreme”: We’re using a visual aid this time, because it's the only way to even begin to imagine how someone could think that any part of this game is extreme:

The reality: Bowling.

If it were actually extreme: An actual bowler might suggest that everyone would wear improper footwear and scuff up the lanes, hoh boy! We envision something involving cannons and a centrifuge.

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10 comments

  • Jadernader - August 14, 2010 10:06 a.m.

    Chess would be extreme if it was like Mortal Kombat when ever you take a peice lol
  • Bobic - October 28, 2008 11:25 p.m.

    Wow...
  • MyGameName - December 7, 2008 11:44 p.m.

    Xtreme Chess-A chess tournament where your the piece!
  • jackf-11 - October 30, 2008 12:47 a.m.

    Holy crap, im watching Colbert right now, but ya gotta love the real extreme chess, never gets old.
  • MyGameName - October 7, 2008 10:23 p.m.

    lol. Berstein Bears are not extreme!
  • ultimate_asswoopin - December 12, 2008 7:05 a.m.

    do not correct my spelleeng
  • ultimate_asswoopin - December 12, 2008 7:04 a.m.

    woah....woah...woah.....how can bowling be extreme i mean i would understand if there were lesbians kissin and some guys made of radiated intestines were bashing away at each others skull with the bowling bal in a giant pool of blood.....but then again it is fun to watch idionts fall on their face after releasing the ball
  • Mysticgamer - August 11, 2009 5:44 a.m.

    I'm confused about the extreme kayaking without paddles. Would the vasaline prevent chafing or be there to proctect his skin from the scrapes he'll get from hitting rocks at 50mph?
  • Hellwilder - May 24, 2009 7:58 p.m.

    A disney skateboard game?! Never heard about it! And the extreme chess? It would be extreme f the pieces had guns or something like that
  • misfit119 - January 21, 2009 7:21 p.m.

    You messed up your spelling a bit there.

Showing 1-10 of 10 comments

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