The Top 7... Lamest party games

Dictionary definition of "party": 
A social gathering for pleasure or celebration; to enjoy oneself thoroughly and without restraint.

Videogame definition of "party": 
Crap for babies.

It’s comforting, isn’t it? Though our hobby is famous for igniting stupid flame wars and for inspiring stubborn fanboy bias, all gamers – no matter what their console or genre preference – can agree on, and rally around, one unassailable truth. Party games suck.

The genre has become such a pathetically obvious joke, in fact, that we don’t bother laughing anymore. But we should! Because despite their already bottom-of-the-bargain-barrel reputation, party games somehow manage to grow lamer and lamer with each new generation.

Here for your much deserved ridicule, then, are seven of the worst party games of the past seven years. Warning: These are so annoying, so pointless and so unplayable that the maraca-shaking asshole couldn’t even make the cut.

7) SHREK SUPER PARTY

How you know it’s a “party”: Take one look at the beautiful box art below. Ogre-iffic? That adjective may make no sense whatsoever, but tell that to our aching funny bones. And those heads… oh my god, those heads are too big for their bodies. Comically so!

The lame reality: Shrek. Super. Party. Three small and seemingly innocuous words that disguise an unfathomable amount of suffering. Let’s break the title down, shall we?

1) “Shrek”. The 2001 animated film famous for ogres, donkeys, fart jokes, pop culture references, Disney bashing, Mike Myers accents, Smash Mouth songs and an overall running theme on visual ugliness.

2) “Super”. An admission that your game is anything but. If you’re desperate enough to use this adjective, and you’re not Nintendo or Capcom, you’ve clearly got something to hide.

3) “Party”. As previously defined, “crap for babies.”

Unfortunately, and predictably, Shrek Super Party lives up to its name. After a blurry, button-mashing hour of onion ring volleyball and swamp boat paddling, we almost gave up on this entire feature. By the time you’re done reading, you’ll probably wish he had…

Worst excuse for a minigame: Farting on bees. Yes, that actually happens in Shrek Super Party, and we thought for sure it'd be the worst minigame. Then we experienced this:

60 seconds to ensure you’ll never ever play:

6) NICKELODEON PARTY BLAST

How you know it’s a “party”: The presence of Gak is synonymous with fun, and we’ve rarely seen so much fun in one place. As long as SpongeBob remembers to put that fun back in its container before it dries out and stains the carpet, these adult-unsupervised kids are guaranteed a good time.

The lame reality: Forcing anyone to play Nickelodeon Party Blast, let alone an innocent child, should be punishable by law. It’s more than a bad party game – it’s torture. No, really, we looked up the exact definition and this fits.

“Inflicting excruciating pain”? We’d say the smeared PS1-era graphics, which made a pale, pumpkin-headed baby nearly indistinguishable from a neon yellow sponge, should count. “Severe anguish”? That’d be the sound effects, which are understandably recorded from Nickelodeon TV shows but are less understandably limited to one endless repeat per character.

“For revenge or sheer cruelty”? The nearly broken gameplay definitely qualifies as cruel, but we’d hate to think it was purposefully designed that way. Then again, we spent more time reading the directions for each activity than actually engaging in them. We watched our cartoon avatar go up when we pushed down. We randomly got stuck on giant pixel balls that appeared out of nowhere. We collected glowing skunks for no apparent reason. To think of all that as mere accident? We’ll stick with cruelty.

Worst excuse for a minigame: Laying down pipes. At least, we think that’s what we were doing here…

60 seconds to ensure you’ll never ever play: