The Top 7... Fictional Presidents

Did you know there’s an election coming up?! Neither did we! Unfortunately, it seems the GR staff is just a few citizenships and felonies shy of the right to vote. But that doesn’t mean we can’t hammer home the importance of the electoral process. Because whether you know it or not, We The Gamers of America have been living through the worst era the presidency’s ever seen. What - No! Not George W. Bush. That dude’s awesome!

Above: Dubya solidifies America’s placement in absolutely everything

Make your voice heard! It’s up to you to make solid sure shit like this, the following article, doesn’t happen again. Gaming’s had its share of Commander-In-Chiefs, but we think you’ll agree that most of them are a disgrace to office. Even the best entries on this list are not without the occasional assassination attempt, violent coup or clandestine genocide. Thus the time has come to pick the seven lesser evils, and we believe we have a responsibility to this country to rise to the challenge. As do you, so if you need to take the day off to read this - do it!

CAMPAIGN PROMISES
- President Ronnie isn’t above breaking bread (bun) with the common man
- President Ronnie is a believer in vigilante justice
- President Ronnie is the enemy of Ninjas

EXCELLENCE IN LEADERSHIP
It’s widely accepted that President Ronnie was elected primarily on his platform of stamping out the American Ninja epidemic of the late eighties. Of course, his position was not without its detractors, so in an unprecedented political move Pres. Ronnie allowed himself to be heroically kidnapped by ninjas just to drive home his crusade.

Above: Shit Yeah!

For President Ronnie, the ends justify the means. He became a staunch proponent of unrestrained vigilantism during the period of his captivity and sub-martial law, thus allowing noblemen Blade and Striker to perform their civic duty: Massacring anybody standing outside after curfew not wearing a black spaghetti tanktop.

Once the streets were hosed free of blood and crushed bone (at tremendous taxpayer expense) the Dudes were honored with a congratulatory Burger Jam attended by the Chief himself for what could be the most patriotic killscreen of all time!

Above: US Diplomacy: Japan Style

Taft’s Trivia: In a historical coup de’port, the home version saw a regime change: On the NES, President Ronnie Raygun was out, and President Gord Bosh was in! (Although, just as unshakably resolute in his love of burgers.)