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The Top 7... evil corporations

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Yes, your boss is evil. The fritzy coffee machine and the copier are evil. The guy in your department who says, “long lunch today?” is pure evil. There’s probably a sub-cavern in hell with extra bubbly lava reserved for people who say “taskforce,” “mindshare,” “workflow,” “ping,” “team player,” “value add” or “pro-active.” Having a job can be a real drag, but just be thankful you live in the real world because videogame companies can be worse than a barrel of Mondays. In games, there are companies so heinous that their employees are held accountable for being pro-active team players 110 percent of the time, all copy machine’s default setting is “negative” and the coffee machine dispenses only hatred – these evil game companies make where you work seem like a non-profit.


Shinra Electric Power Company – Final Fantasy VII


A brief history of the company:

Once a small weapons manufacturer, Shinra was launched into the status of Mega Corp. after the discovery of mako energy – a glowing green power harvested from the lifestream, a river of souls flowing through veins under the crust of the planet Gaia. Needless to say, harvesting mako energy is not an eco-friendly process.



Shinra’s mako power generation was so profitable the company grew into an interim government, in place of any actual government, which didn’t seem to show any signs of ever having existed. They also branched out from small weapons manufacturing – though never far from their core values of violence – and began exploring the fields of city-mounted cannons, bio-engineered super-soldiers and public safety through fear and strict regulation. 



Why it’s eviler than your company:

A big guy named President Shinra was the first head of the Shinra Company, but was succeeded by his son, Rufus Shinra, who – probably because the story was already confusing enough – is never referred to as President Shinra.



The first president used mostly puppies, unlimited snacks, free t-shirts and other rewards for good behavior to keep the public happy and complacent under his authoritarian pseudo-government. But when Rufus took over, he decided to cut down on monthly overhead by using a secret police force, an actual police force and, of course, robots to keep the everyone under his control.

Their private security force combined with their policy of sucking out the lifeforce of the planet to harvest and sell to the general public makes Shinra one of the worst companies to work for. We’re also reasonably sure they only paid their soldiers minimum wage.


Black Mesa Research Facility – Half-Life and Half-Life 2


A brief history of the company:

The main Black Mesa facility was built into a decommissioned missile silo in New Mexico, though it was expanded approximately twenty-billion percent because doing science takes more space than storing missiles. The subterranean labyrinth’s rent gets paid by the US government, which funds the research facility (with possible help from trans-dimensional creatures).

Transit around the subterranean facility was available via its own tram system and power was provided by its own hydraulic dam power plant, before the facility was destroyed by aliens. Interoffice railways and off-the-grid power mark Black Mesa as one of the more secretive government science facilities – they make it so nobody ever has to leave. What we’re trying to get at is that Black Mesa is too mysterious for us to know where it came from.



Why it’s eviler than your company:

Like modern day witches, Black Mesa research went into areas mortal man has no business being (except with science, not magic). There’s been evidence of their dabbling in experimental weapons, anti-gravity devices, teleportation, inter-dimensional travel and no evidence of their consorting with the devil, black cat breeding program or stem-cell research, but we’re sure they did those too.



Their meddling in affairs best left to God was all going well, until one day, during a run-of-the-mill “tossing anomalous material into the anti-mass spectrometer to see what happens” experiment, Black Mesa researchers crossed our dimension with Xen, a world existing in a dimension bordering ours. If Xen had been filled with hundred-dollar bills and marshmallows it would have landed them in our Top 7… Awesomest Companies, but it wasn’t. The dimension mix-up allowed a group of alien overlords known as the Combine to enslave mankind, which is a pretty lame thing to do.

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89 comments

  • PatHan-bHai - March 1, 2013 11:37 a.m.

    haah!!! i've never even liked pokemon :P
  • ImAliveOMG - March 12, 2010 10:37 p.m.

    Okay, sorry. Scratch that previous comment of mine. Ultor IS mentioned in RF:G. I'm going back through the game to see if I misunderstood anything. Anyways, I listened to what the guys were saying during the mission "Ultor Echo" and it turns out that the destroyed factory in it is an abandoned Ultor complex. So sorry about that last comment.
  • ImAliveOMG - March 10, 2010 6:04 a.m.

    I don't know where you're getting the Ultor stuff in RF:G from. I played the story mode and Ultor was only breifly mentioned during a news cast. I haven't played Saints Row yet so that might be why I don't understand but if somebody could explain it to me in greater detail that would save me the trouble of going back through RF:G and shelling out enough money to get Saints Row and Saints Row 2.
  • GameManiac - October 24, 2009 5:32 a.m.

    I always DID think that there was something out-of-the-ordinary about that Silph company from the Pokemon games...
  • ItIsTime - August 8, 2009 9:16 p.m.

    What about the Agency from Crackdown? First they run the police force into the ground and put three gangs into power. Then they kill off all three gangs so they can put themselves in as a communist government. Anyone who dose that has to be evil.
  • FamousMortimer - August 4, 2009 12:40 a.m.

    I know I'm super late on this... but don't forget the Armacham Corporation from the F.E.A.R. series. Among their offences: -Creating an abomination of a little girl with the DNA of Armacham's corporate officers and chief scientists. -Using that little girl as a research guinea pig in order to create an army of soulless man-like creatures to serve as highly trained cannon fodder -Impregnating said little girl -Putting said litttle girl into a medically-induced coma after birth, naturally stealing her child for nefarious purposes -Finally killing said girl, not through a quick act of violence, but by withholding food and sustenance, and allowing her to slowfully waste away.
  • reaperman22 - July 24, 2009 12:24 p.m.

    hey Exella isnt part of umbrella but she is just as dambed evil so i'll excuse you GR
  • G1drake - July 24, 2009 12:20 p.m.

    umbrella....evil...NO WAY! well at least theres no company like that here(why that AVON comercial looks like umbrella comercial?)
  • KodeKobra - July 24, 2009 6:46 a.m.

    There are two major companies missing: Sony DADC (makers of SecuROM) and Microsoft for Vista-only games
  • Thirteenth - July 23, 2009 11:46 p.m.

    I guess there probably is alot of this comment before i post this, but 11 x 60 is not 666 it's 660, 11,1 x 60 (or 111 x 6) = 666
  • RandomIdoit - July 23, 2009 10:39 p.m.

    A few things wrong with the silph co. entry. 1.) 11*60=660, as mentioned earlier. Where did you get that 60 anyways? 2.) How would you have "Ancient, Legendary pokemon" if they came from a modern (or futuristic?) company. 3.) They may be the main makers of pokeballs, but they do have competition. 4.) How do you know that pokeballs are just plastic baseballs, do you work for them or something? whew... finally done with that.
  • Coolbeans69 - July 23, 2009 12:41 a.m.

    11 X 60 is 660 not 666
  • Hydrohs - July 22, 2009 4:32 p.m.

    Silph Co. Is not the only maker of PokeBalls. There is also the Devon Corporation which makes much better PokeBalls. And then there's poor old Kurt who takes a day to make on PokeBall... But still.
  • NovaProspekt - July 22, 2009 3:51 p.m.

    I was dissapointed that Black Mesa wasn't number one...Until I got to the end and saw that Aperture Science was the worst, and I was happy again. I wish I had a GLaDOS in my house :-(
  • bonerachieved - July 21, 2009 6:35 p.m.

    This is amazing haha, i love it, keep up the good work guys
  • HungryBeaver - July 21, 2009 6:07 p.m.

    Hey GR, maybe you should learn some math - 11 x 60 = 660 not 666. Its simple math. reCAPTCHA - pine leopards
  • v3mEpiDemiC - July 21, 2009 4:23 p.m.

    Shinra should be number 1.I mean using the souls of dead people for power is the worst thing you could do.God can't be to happy about that.
  • infern0 - July 21, 2009 1:38 p.m.

    Protip: save the hobo because you are in a river and all it would take is one shock from that startled pichu to turn you into toast plus the homeless guy probably has booze.
  • infected123 - July 21, 2009 7:43 a.m.

    oh no not first at all :(
  • infected123 - July 21, 2009 7:42 a.m.

    why is nintendo or sony not on their? nintendo because they allow all that stuff like imagine babiez on their console and have confusing internets friends codes and think that gamers at conferences want to see "wii music" and stuff. (dont get me wrong people are fair enough if people want to play on it but cmon a room filled with gamers) sony because ykno the hole mega arragonce thing and its console cant do much well other than graphics (admitidly badass graphics) p.s anyone who says microsoft are evil because of being greedy and money grabbing, get your facts right the reason that you have to get ads on xbox live and pay2play is because they set the base console cost cheaper than the production cost hoping to make money on xbox live subsrictions. aditionally anyone who plans to call me a fanboy. stfu i own a ps1 (from way back) that i still love to play with, a ds lite, and a 360. i own stuff from all 3 of them, call me a fanboy now! first

Showing 1-20 of 89 comments

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