The 10 worst Sonic friends

The Hedgehog has about 10,000 furry pals. Here's the worst of a bad lot

Once upon a time, Sonic the Hedgehog was known for great platforming, a bitter rivalry with Mario, and gallons of '90s attitude. Nowadays, the blue blur is known more for providing sanctuary to dozens upon dozens of anthropomorphized woodland creatures, each more saccharin and repulsive than the last.

While Sonic got away with a few decent characters, the vast majority of his furry friends have been abominable and serve only to emphasize just how far the franchise has fallen. To celebrate this dismal truth, come with us on a tour of creative misery as we list the worst Sonic friends of all time.


Big the Cat

Big the Cat is not without his fans, but anybody with a semblance of human decency can see that this spherical purple feline is a blight on the world. Essentially an overstuffed Lenny from Of Mice and Men, this educationally subnormal fish fetishist shouldn't be anybody's idea of an endearing mascot. His voice sounds like Barney Rubble choking on a sock, and his most noble acts in the Sonic franchise exclusively involve the multiple rescues of a small, stupid frog. He is a terrible, terrible cat.


Princess Elise

Technically she's not one of Sonic's "furry" friends, but considering her implied sexual orientation, we could still argue that she is "a" furry. Sonic the Hedgehog 2006 is famously terrible for a vast plethora of reasons, but the disturbing love story between this mawkish anime cast-off and her bipedal blue savior truly stands out as one of the most shameful and distressing elements of the entire Sonic franchise.

Her inclusion in Sonic 2006 confirmed in my mind that Sonic Team just didn't want to make Sonic games anymore. She indicates a very clear attempt to create more of a Japanese roleplaying game narrative than a fitting "Sonic" story. Elise wouldn't look out of place in a Final Fantasy title, but her inclusion in Sonic the Hedgehog was an absolute misfire of magnificent proportions.


Charmy Bee

The members of Team Chaotix lack any redeeming qualities in the first place, but the squealing, whining drivel that spews out of Charmy Bee's slack-jawed mouth deflects any criticism one might have of Idiot the Crocodile and Generic Brooder the Chameleon. This honey-loving horror is described as the "funny" one of the Chaotix, which of course means that he's the least funny. All it does is scream and babble in a desperate and contrived attempt to sound cute, when all you want to do is rip its stinger out and shove it down the warbling turd's throat.


Silver the Hedgehog

"I've finally found it. The Iblis trigger."

That's Silver's very first line in Sonic 2006, and it pretty adequately demonstrates just how embarrassingly written that game was. Silver was an abortion from the get-go, a completely worthless addition to the franchise who provided nothing of note and ostensibly stole his special telekinetic abilities from other, better games. He's barely done anything since 2006's Sonic the Hedgehog because he's dreadful. The very fact his voice actor was able to say "the Iblis Trigger" with a straight face is cause for a medical investigation.


Chip

If you looked up "unnecessary" in the dictionary, you wouldn't find a picture of Chip... but you should. His inclusion in the cast of Sonic Unleashed was completely unwarranted and seems to indicate that Sonic Team simply lacks creative restraint.

He bore no relevance to Unleashed's plot, he wasn't funny, and he wasn't even remotely interesting. He was just there because the developers have a very obvious obsession with creating fresh anthropomorphic animals for every game it makes. "HAHA HE LIKES FOOD" does not a character make. Especially a character as useless and irritating as this ... thing.

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