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The 10 worst Sonic friends

Once upon a time, Sonic the Hedgehog was known for great platforming, a bitter rivalry with Mario, and gallons of '90s attitude. Nowadays, the blue blur is known more for providing sanctuary to dozens upon dozens of anthropomorphized woodland creatures, each more saccharin and repulsive than the last.

While Sonic got away with a few decent characters, the vast majority of his furry friends have been abominable and serve only to emphasize just how far the franchise has fallen. To celebrate this dismal truth, come with us on a tour of creative misery as we list the worst Sonic friends of all time.


Big the Cat

Big the Cat is not without his fans, but anybody with a semblance of human decency can see that this spherical purple feline is a blight on the world.  Essentially an overstuffed Lenny from Of Mice and Men, this educationally subnormal fish fetishist shouldn't be anybody's idea of an endearing mascot. His voice sounds like Barney Rubble choking on a sock, and his most noble acts in the Sonic franchise exclusively involve the multiple rescues of a small, stupid frog. He is a terrible, terrible cat.


Princess Elise

Technically she's not one of Sonic's "furry" friends, but considering her implied sexual orientation, we could still argue that she is "a" furry. Sonic the Hedgehog 2006 is famously terrible for a vast plethora of reasons, but the disturbing love story between this mawkish anime cast-off and her bipedal blue savior truly stands out as one of the most shameful and distressing elements of the entire Sonic franchise.

Her inclusion in Sonic 2006 confirmed in my mind that Sonic Team just didn't want to make Sonic games anymore. She indicates a very clear attempt to create more of a Japanese roleplaying game narrative than a fitting "Sonic" story. Elise wouldn't look out of place in a Final Fantasy title, but her inclusion in Sonic the Hedgehog was an absolute misfire of magnificent proportions.


Charmy Bee

The members of Team Chaotix lack any redeeming qualities in the first place, but the squealing, whining drivel that spews out of Charmy Bee's slack-jawed mouth deflects any criticism one might have of Idiot the Crocodile and Generic Brooder the Chameleon. This honey-loving horror is described as the "funny" one of the Chaotix, which of course means that he's the least funny. All it does is scream and babble in a desperate and contrived attempt to sound cute, when all you want to do is rip its stinger out and shove it down the warbling turd's throat.


Silver the Hedgehog

"I've finally found it. The Iblis trigger."

That's Silver's very first line in Sonic 2006, and it pretty adequately demonstrates just how embarrassingly written that game was. Silver was an abortion from the get-go, a completely worthless addition to the franchise who provided nothing of note and ostensibly stole his special telekinetic abilities from other, better games. He's barely done anything since 2006's Sonic the Hedgehog because he's dreadful. The very fact his voice actor was able to say "the Iblis Trigger" with a straight face is cause for a medical investigation.


Chip

If you looked up "unnecessary" in the dictionary, you wouldn't find a picture of Chip... but you should. His inclusion in the cast of Sonic Unleashed was completely unwarranted and seems to indicate that Sonic Team simply lacks creative restraint.

He bore no relevance to Unleashed's plot, he wasn't funny, and he wasn't even remotely interesting. He was just there because the developers have a very obvious obsession with creating fresh anthropomorphic animals for every game it makes. "HAHA HE LIKES FOOD" does not a character make. Especially a character as useless and irritating as this ... thing.

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60 comments

  • Cetorcka - July 16, 2013 9:27 p.m.

    Tails... seriously?? -___-
  • VideoGameFreak - June 26, 2013 5:48 p.m.

    Most of this isn't very accurate. Blaze, Amy, Shadow, Tails, Cream, and Charmy are very good characters.
  • quinton-bowman - March 8, 2013 11:32 p.m.

    I almost stopped reading when you posted a picture of shadow but then I stopped reading when you posted a picture of tails.. what a stupid list because you mention like 90% of the only friends he got...The only person you didnt mention that was a major character is Knuckles..
  • callum-m - December 2, 2012 9:04 a.m.

    Wow. Some of your reasons really make no sense. Chip for example. While I absolutely hate this little... thing, you can't claim he was irrelevant to the Unleashed plot, because he was a key (annoying) element to the story (if it can be called a story).
  • christy-wilson - October 23, 2012 4:22 p.m.

    To me this is just cruel thats all I am going to say.
  • hardcore_gamer1990 - January 23, 2011 11:22 p.m.

    "[Cream] has never done anything in the history of everything, aside from satiate someone's fetish for drawing underage woodland creatures in small dresses." Sonic Team knows it's target audience... And what's all this about Shadow being a good idea gone wrong? He's an evil clone of Sonic. That's not a good idea. That's a cliche thats been used almost as often as a WoW player looking like a human incarnation of Jabba the Hutt. Damn I'm on form today.
  • rockstarsean - January 21, 2011 11:57 p.m.

    "Dr Eggman" should be here. Robotnik 4 Life
  • IIIIIACEIIIII - January 21, 2011 8:05 p.m.

    Tails is Sonics bro4lyf, Knuckles is his friendly rival, Amy is his love interest, Robotnik is his enemy, Metal Sonic is his sinister rival. Throughout Sonic 1, 2, 3, Knuckles and CD, these characters added flavour and charm to Mobius (which remember, back then was a mysterious, fantastic planet/world similar and not America or wherever he lives now), and in terms of gameplay, Tails flying and Knuckles climbing added replayablity and variety to Sonic 3, Knuckles and Sonic 3 and Knuckles. Most of the characters on your list are every bit as stupid as you say as you say they are, but what you said about Tails was plain silly.
  • bitchassafriBLAMamericANTISTA - January 21, 2011 2:30 a.m.

    hahaha this article should just be called sonic's friends
  • KingQuestion - January 20, 2011 10:01 p.m.

    Meh, they keep making more because they are pandering to their fanbase of babies and furfags. This series is nothing but furry wankbait at this point.
  • SeaSalt - January 20, 2011 1:41 a.m.

    What the hell? :/ Sure, a few of those aren't the best of the bunch (sorry, Big), but you've pretty much rattled off the major players of the series, minus Knuckles and Sonic himself. Blaze is possibly the best female member of the cast, and as much of an annoyance Chip is throughout Unleashed, he takes several levels of badassery in the end. And c'mon, Tails at the #1 spot? Perhaps the funnest character to play as in Sonic 3?
  • kangaroocory - January 20, 2011 1:36 a.m.

    Am i the only one that doesn't hate Shadow the Hedgehog? It was a kinda cool concept. Take Sonic, add cool colors and guns, and bam! Shadow the Hedgehog. Sure the story sucked, buuuut it's sonic's evil version! With guns! Awesome from concentrate. And Silver isn't all that bad either. But not very good. And he's not Cream at least. Or Amy. *Shivers* What is she anyway?
  • BurntToShreds - January 19, 2011 10:20 p.m.

    Mario has friends, too! Yoshi, Toad, Peach, and Luigi were all there in the 80's and 90s, and Nintendo had the common sense to keep the friend count down to a decent size for his main series. Most of the characters in the Mario Spinoffs like Mario Golf, Tennis, etc. are enemies he faces in his main series. Sonic's original friends (Tails, Knuckles & Amy) were okay. Every hero needs a sidekick, and if Mario has a girlfriend, then Sonic is allowed to have a clingy stalker-like girlfriend. Knuckles was introduced as a villain in Sonic 3 (it seemed that way to me at least), and he took Tails' place in Sonic and Knuckles, including his own story to boot!
  • ultimatepunchrod - January 19, 2011 9:15 p.m.

    tails was alright.
  • thefreakysurgeon - January 19, 2011 8:40 p.m.

    So that means that Knuckles, Espio, and Vector are some of the best Sonic friends? i find Vector's voice to be horrendous, making him one of my least favorites.
  • AlpineGuy - January 19, 2011 6:10 p.m.

    Y'know what's a REAL challenge to put together? 'The 10 Best Sonic Friends.' If you can think of even just three, please let me know.
  • Ravenbom - January 19, 2011 6:10 p.m.

    Hmm, comment hiccup, so I have to post this again: Thank you Jim! Validation at last! I've been saying for years that Tails is the worst Sonic character ever!
  • IHateMakingUserIDs - January 19, 2011 6:01 p.m.

    Why would he laugh saying Iblis Trigger exactly? I'm not understand that part.
  • vincentdarkwood - January 19, 2011 5:44 p.m.

    so you mainly just want... sonic, and that's it?
  • Odpaterson - January 19, 2011 3:31 p.m.

    I really don't understand sega or the appeal of sonic. I'm not even sold on the idea that Sonic games were actually ever THAT good in the first place. Sega stumbled onto an original idea and made something decent from it which is now for some reason heralded as 'golden'. Honestly, Sega can't even make a decent game of any genre other than the 'running fast' one, and even that is done better by small groups of enthusiasts in sheds. Maybe Sega's just bad at making games?

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