When the elevator doors dinged open on that fateful day in a Moscow airport, you had scarce time to prepare for the horror that was about to be unleashed. As your cadre of evil-doers calmly mowed the defenseless civilians into a fine paste, you knew that there was nothing right about this. There was no question that this was a dirty, rotten thing to do. It was, simply put, wrong. Remember that stone in the pit of your stomach? Well, prepare to feel it all over again, because these are six horrific crimes you never realized you were committing in games.
We’re not talking about the obvious “one soldier killing another” stuff – everyone knows where they stand on that one. We’re talking about the awful violations of decency you didn’t even notice. You callous, cold-hearted shell of a human being.
Above: Clearly a dick move. No wonder the developers of Modern Warfare 2 made this level optional
6. Burglary (Zelda series)
So you walk into a guy’s house or store, start smashing his stuff and taking his money. But, it’s alright; he’s not trying to stop you. He’ll even repeat the same tired singular phrase with as much glee as he can muster.
No victim, no crime. Right?
Consider this: Let’s say some dude just walked into your home, with a sword on his hip, shield on his back, and absolutely smeared in the blood and gore of monsters and bandits. Let’s say he started smashing your stuff and taking your money… what exactly would you do about it? What could you do? All you would want is for him to leave… and you’d say or sell whatever it took to achieve that end.
Above: For Chrissake, take whatever you want!
5. Animal cruelty (Pokemon series)
It’s a tough Poke world out there. With 493 aggressive and dangerous species lurking in all regions and climes – vicious creatures capable of manipulating the elements themselves to bring down their prey – simply walking outside invites certain death.
In order for humans to survive this wretched hellscape, they’ve learned to domesticate and train these ‘Pokemon’ to fight on their behalf. That said, however, there is a marked difference between training a Scyther to guard you from an angry swarm of Weedles and pitting him against other Pokemon for amusement and profit. But if you’ve ever won a gym badge, or accepted a friendly wager from a fellow trainer: that’s exactly what you did.
So as your blood-soaked Poke pal clings to life at the local Poke hospital, show him that shiny little rock badge and tell him it was worth it.
Above: Time to collect your winnings, Mr. Vick