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Oliver summons Familiars, which Isaac Clarke quickly dismembers

A man of steel faces down a monster-summoning child

Words: on January 22, 2013
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46 comments

  • bhaywardio - January 18, 2013 5:03 p.m.

    A wisp of the wand summons a cute little bear with an even cuter battle axe and cape. Oliver orders the bear into battle as his familiar, thinking that the cuteness will distract Isaac and bewilder him longe enough for Oliver to cast one of the more complex spells. Unfortunately, Isaac's time in the school onboard the sprawl have taught him a thing or two. Anything related to babies or children is most likely going to explode or eat your internal organs. As such, Isaac blasts away the legs of the bear to slow him down. It screams in agony, and Isaac fires for the arm holding the axe, ending its screams. Oliver, distracted from the screaming of his companion, stutters as he tries to cast. Isaac stomps on the head of the bear, hoping to get an ammo cartridge. Instead, a spear-gun pops out of it. Oliver, staring down into his book, doesn't even hear the compressed air firing the spear. With a slick *schlink*, Oliver looks past the pages of his spellbook to see cold metal covered in warm blood. Lifting his head in horror, he sees the blue light emanating from Isaac's face mask. Trying to utter mercy, Oliver's last moments were watching Isaac press the big "activate" button on the side of the spear-gun. His body began to convulse. His bowels and bladder released themselves in the spasm. And when he thought there could be no greater Hell, the spear detonated, blasting his organs all over the place. Isaac wins the fight. But the horrors of the sprawl and killing countless monster-children have pushed him over the edge. Now the true war begins, as Isaac struggles with PTSD.

  • Ryan_Taljonick - January 19, 2013 12:26 a.m.

    Hoooooooo boy

  • winner2 - January 18, 2013 4:49 p.m.

    Yeah I'm going with Issac. This is a complete beatdown, unless issac can't bring himself to kill a non necromorph kid.

  • g1rldraco7 - January 18, 2013 4:37 p.m.

    Issac Clarke hands down unless Oliver can cast a regeneration spell on his limbs, which means he can't win. Issac Clarke all the way baby!!!! :)

  • codzprc - January 18, 2013 3:35 p.m.

    Oliver raises his hand to cast speel, Isaac blasts it off. Oliver turns to run, which is hard to do when you're legs have been removed... Isaac calmly walks over and stomps Oliver's head which explodes in a cloud of confetti! Isaac wins. Flawless Victory.

  • Rambo 11 - January 18, 2013 3:19 p.m.

    I thought these articles were supposed to be even fights, not slaughters XD. Obviously Isaac wins this one.

Showing 41-46 of 46 comments

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