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Oliver summons Familiars, which Isaac Clarke quickly dismembers

Demented engineer vs. child monster summoner

Last week we asked you, the readers, to decide who would win in a fight-to-the-death between Isaac Clarke and Oliver. You have spoken. One fighter has emerged victorious. The other has been slain. Here is what transpired in the fight's final moments.

"No way kid," said Isaac Clarke to the wide-eyed toddler boy. "Monsters, no matter how cute, are bad news. They're all bad news. Trust me, I know." Isaac reflected on his encounters with Necromorphs. He'd lost a lot of good people to the flesh-molesting horrors. A cold drip of sweat ran down his back. Great, he thought to himself, probably not sleeping tonight.

"No way, meanie!" shouted Oliver, mustering the biggest big boy voice he could manage while simultaneously gripping his wand. "They're nice and fun and pretty! Look! See?" With a wave of his magic stick, Oliver summoned Drippy and two cute Familiars to his side. The adorable creatures greeted Isaac with a smile. Drippy waddled over to his leg, and hugged it gently. "Hello!" it said in a gruff, manly voice. "I'm Dripp--"

"OH JESUS CHRIST, NECROMORPH!" Isaac screamed, whipping out his Plasma Cutter and immediately removing the arms of the foul beast. Blood sprayed everywhere. The little monster screamed in agony. "NOT AGAIN!" Isaac cried out. Drippy rolled on the ground, crying out in pain while his vacant armholes sprayed blood like a firehose. Isaac silenced its cries with a swift stomp.

Poor Oliver stared in horror as Isaac used Kenisis to pick up what remained of Drippy's corpse before launching it at the nearest Familiar--a cute sword-wielding dog thing--impaling it with Drippy's beak. The Familiar howled in pain, its body pinned to a nearby wall by Drippy's lifeless head. Tears cascaded down Oliver's face. Drippy was all he had left in the world. Everyone he had ever loved was dead.

Isaac kept shooting, over and over again, consumed by an uncontrollable insanity. Little monster limbs littered the ground. The Familiars were bleeding out, shrieking in excruciating agony.

"No!" Oliver sobbed. The boy was covered from head to toe in the life juices of his favorite Familiars. There would be no more magical adventures, no more cheering up sad townsfolk. The boy couldn't believe the horrors that transpired before him. As Isaac continued to unleash his rage upon the defenseless creatures, Oliver snuck off, never to be seen again.

"Take...that..." Isaac gasped, performing one final curb stomp upon a now limb-less pig-like demon. The young boy had summoned these monsters from thin air. But how? Was this the Marker's doing? Was the child working for the Church of Unitology? It didn't matter now. Isaac looked around at the carnage. Yeah, he thought to himself, DEFINITELY not sleeping tonight. That's when he noticed the kid was gone.

...in a magical, far-away land, a young boy painted red with crimson stands next to a living tree. "Hello, child," the tree beckons, "enjoy some of my smiley-faced fruit." The boy takes the gift, biting into it with a malicious look on his face. Isaac Clarke will pay, the child thought to himself. Isaac Clarke will pay.

And the winner is... Isaac Clarke

Though this week's battle was a close call, the readers ultimately chose Isaac Clarke as the victor. Turns out a monster-summoning child doesn't have what it takes to best a monster-slaying engineer. Be sure to check back on Friday for this week's match-up, and let us know in the comments below how you think the fight between Isaac and Oliver would've gone down. And, in cased you missed the setup for this battle, we've included the details below!

Isaac Clarke vs. Oliver

In this week's battle to the death, an innocent child with the ability to summon cute, loyal monsters goes toe-to-toe with a bonkers engineer from the future. Good news, readers: You'll be the ones to decide who will live and who will die. Cast your vote by commenting who you think would win.

BUT! Before we can speculate as to who would come out on top, we must first examine the tools and tricks that each contestant has at his disposal. To do so, we scoured the web for any official information pertaining to the abilities and proficiencies of both parties.

Isaac Clarke (Dead Space)

Isaac has survived two large Necromorph outbreaks, and is pretty good at limb dismemberment as a result. Unfortunately, his close encounter with two Markers has kind of taken a toll on his mind. We've got to hand it to Isaac, though--the engineer-turned-savior has a knack for survival.

  • Preferred weaponry: Plasma cutter, metal-clad boots, fists.
  • Powers & abilities: Normal human man with amplified strength thanks to his engineering suits.
  • Notable weaknesses: Deteriorating psyche.
  • Greatest accomplishment: Encountered and destroyed two Markers, in addition to thousands of deadly Necromorphs.

Oliver (Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch)

Little Oliver is a young boy who has witnessed a great tragedy, ultimately allowing him to access a magical world where he battles and captures Pokemon-like familiars. He's a kind hearted child intent on aiding people when he is able, and is quite adept at casting magical spells.

  • Preferred weaponry: Spell wand, book of spells, loyal familiars.
  • Powers & abilities: Can cast spells or summon little monsters to fight for him.
  • Notable weaknesses: Height disadvantage, not very strong.
  • Greatest accomplishment: Aided a bunch of really sad people, made them happy again.

Now, armed with all the information the internet has to offer, you shall choose your victor--and on Tuesday we'll post a detailed play-by-play of how the fight will go down. (And don't forget to check out last week's battle!) Let's get started, shall we?

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43 comments

  • Cyberninja - January 22, 2013 2:22 p.m.

    Well is there going to be a sequel because both combatants are still alive and this was a fight to the death.
  • deafwing - January 22, 2013 9:10 a.m.

    LOL at this matchup - really Gameradar - smoke much? :D Anyways - I bet on Isaac - Oliver takes to damn long to charge his moves and besides Clarke can simply stomp the little colorful path of happiness in him to death in one hit. Life is full of lemons and Clarke would make lemon juice out of this situation quite easily.
  • TheDudeFromNowhere - January 21, 2013 11:15 p.m.

    This is a really weird match lol. I would have to give it to Isaac though. THE MAN IS INSANE! and whenever I think about Dead Space, all I can imagine is Isaac screaming and STOMPING THE NECROMORPHS INTO PIECES. Now just replace the necromorphs with Oliver and his monsters. What a nightmare.
  • Demon_Krauser - January 21, 2013 10:17 p.m.

    Isaac
  • TrAnMu - January 21, 2013 1:01 p.m.

    Oliver.
  • n00b - January 20, 2013 11:18 p.m.

    Oliver
  • stephanhoefer - January 20, 2013 8:58 p.m.

    although that small little boy has magic and pokemon like creatures, Isaac has a whole arsenal of strategies and tools at his disposal, plus he might mistaken him for a necromorph and try curb stomping him or blowing off his head or something lol id give it to isaac
  • DeathbyFira - January 20, 2013 10:46 a.m.

    Issac is so screwed up in the head he probably see Oliver and freak the hell out and die of a heart attack or something, I am going for Oliver he is willing to fight for his mothers life back so Don't count out the little guy just yet
  • metalgatesolid - January 19, 2013 12:32 p.m.

    The most random pairing ever. Oliver just because Studio Ghibli and Level 5 rule. EA are money whores
  • adam-willday - January 20, 2013 7:18 a.m.

    No contest, that little girl would win any day.
  • ste95 - January 19, 2013 10:34 a.m.

    Isaac Clarke
  • barrage7667 - January 19, 2013 8:16 a.m.

    Isaac...you sick sick people making me say that a small young boy who has already suffered tragedy will be torn limb from limb.
  • zelta38 - January 19, 2013 4:20 p.m.

    You pretty much said what I was thinking, this pairing is seriously messed up. Isaac even consenting to do that is seriously messed up, the kid peeing in his pants is... well that's another mess of its own (had to try some joke here, apologies for fried synapses).
  • kaleb-mayhew - January 19, 2013 7:25 a.m.

    isaac
  • kaleb-mayhew - January 19, 2013 7:25 a.m.

    this is a horrific thought
  • KA87 - January 19, 2013 5:25 a.m.

    Since Issac is so good at dismemberment, he will clearly shot Olivers arm with the magic wand off and then stomp him to death. But then Issac starts having visions of Oliver telling him to kill himself. With Issac's psyche already shattered, he slowy draws his plasma cutter as the ghosty image of Oliver laughs and ends his suffering. Winner= Necromorphs
  • slimjim441 - January 20, 2013 9:45 a.m.

    ^Nailed it.

Showing 1-20 of 43 comments

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