• smallberry - July 18, 2009 1:58 p.m.

    I'm totally god damn ready for the Zombies. You know why? They can't get me. I'm plucky and have a sunny disposition. I also have a cricket bat.
  • Gameward-Bound - July 18, 2009 2:48 p.m.

    Zombies are a myth. Just like egg yolk.
  • AbeX300 - July 18, 2009 5:18 p.m.

    @barrage7667 "OH MY GOD IM SO HAPPY EVERYONE I KNOW HAS A GUN!! AS LONG AS ZOMBIES CANT USE GUNS I THINK I MIGHT HAVE A CHANCE!!!" I really hope NO zombie has the intelligence to use weapons (remember Dead Rising with the yellow coats? Cults or zombies, they carry knives, so zombies could have a bit of intelligence, despite the zero brain activity). What would be really threatening is that zombies would use ROCKET LAWNCHAIRS (Metal Slug 3 lol). As you said, however, that they cannot use guns, then that's perfect. I heard that heavy machine guns are one of the WORST guns to use, since it doesn't have the accuracy to shoot a zombie's head. Ah, Dead Rising. You never fail to amaze me.
  • Daywalkr - July 18, 2009 6:19 p.m.

    Zombie Invasion? YAY!!! MALL TRIP! Free sporting goods, clothes, and best of all..... McDonalds!!!
  • eagle13511 - July 18, 2009 7:04 p.m.

    If I want to survive a zombie invasion I think I will seek the help of the Zombie survival guide thank you very much.
  • waffledragon33 - July 18, 2009 8:15 p.m.

    what if you ...... never mind
  • SlightlyBetterName - July 18, 2009 8:37 p.m.

    Great article. But go read World War Z anyway. You'll see that most people won't fallow these directions and in the end be killed.
  • Csheroe - July 18, 2009 8:44 p.m.

    What about the frying pan! DONG!
  • mastersword369 - July 18, 2009 9:25 p.m.

    @Spartan523: It does not rip off The Zombie Survival Guide, this is meant to be funny, The Zombie Survival Guide would acually be useful in this situation. This... would get me killed.
  • lovinmyps3 - July 18, 2009 9:35 p.m.

    This was even better than "The Zombie Survival Guide". XD
  • RandyChimp - July 18, 2009 9:48 p.m.

    Sorry, as soon as I hear of a mysterious and extremely bloody murder with a corpse covered in bites, I'm grabbing Max Brookes' Zombie Survival Guide and heading for the nearest store where I can buy a machete.
  • cubsfan101 - July 18, 2009 9:50 p.m.

    this is one informative article. i'll have to remember everything the next time i'm in a zombie apocalypse.
  • ACGUY - July 18, 2009 10:49 p.m.

    Okay why does nobody ever think of this?! All you just need to do is go to Canda or the North Pole the undead doesn't have body heat they'll freeze even if they were infected they'll stay frozen. So all you have to do is blow their fucking brains out while they're frozen on the ground. Maybe a pussy move, but your still alive. Great article though.
  • oreomonkey - July 18, 2009 11:02 p.m.

    I'd hold up in Wal-Mart, many barricades and food.
  • Solstice - July 19, 2009 12:21 a.m.

    Liked the rap.
  • alfonso.hdez - July 19, 2009 5:07 a.m.

    BEST.ARTICLE.EVER. Priceless!
  • theHeadCase - July 19, 2009 11:14 a.m.

    Hey I've already got my Zombie Outbreak Contingency Plan laid out. I just gotta come up with a better name cause every time someone says it out loud they get bit. Damn zombies.
  • deathrebellion - July 19, 2009 2:51 p.m.

    Sniper Crowbar FTW :D XD
  • w40kfanatic - July 19, 2009 11:56 p.m.

    ill just go to a abandoned superstore, find the security office, activate those gates that fall over the exits and grab a gun in the outdoors section. there is food and probably some sheets to make a make-shift bed. yay for store that meet your shopping/zombie survival needs!
  • w40kfanatic - July 19, 2009 11:58 p.m.

    one last thing. why are zombies evil? maybe theyre just coming to you for help but you anger them by the time they get to you.

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